SNWJ: If I'm Happy and I Know It I Blog About It

If I'm Happy and I know it, I blog about it

John Paul Derryberry 

Someone once asked what was the toughest part of my job as a social worker. Most would answer: dealing with other's trauma, the violence, protecting against burn-out, the low pay, the long hours, or simply the fact that we are always fighting a losing battle. Those things are on the list but my survey says there is a different number one answer on the board. And that answer reveals a lot about our culture and society. So, ask me again.

“John, What is the toughest part of your job as a social worker?”

“Oh that’s easy, teaching people it’s okay to be happy again.”

One of the most profound moments in my life came with laughter followed by a punch. I was working in my favorite job ever as front-line staff at a rehab center for abused teens. And one kid, who had struggled for months to find a moment of relief from her pain and suffering, was having an all out laughter fit. I mean, snorting, crying, and being unable to breathe at all. It may have been the first time she had ever laughed that hard. I used it for a teaching moment about emotional health and looked at her and said, doesn’t it feel good to be able to be happy again. Her laughter ceased and desisted in one breath. She screamed, “No, I am not!” and then punched me in the chest.  It was almost as if she had an allergic reaction to being happy. Maybe because she had never known happiness, she was scared of it, much like the way we are all scared of what we do not know. Or maybe, by admitting to happiness in a rehab center, she thought that meant this was as good as life gets, and that was way too overwhelming.

I think we confuse happiness with being content. If we admit we are happy, we look around to see if an anvil is going to fall on us and change everything. If we admit we are happy, we think others will judge us as if we are saying our life is better than theirs. If we admit we are happy, we think that we might stop working hard for what’s next. We almost convince ourselves that, by admitting to our happiness, we are saying this is as good as it gets. We also know that, because it’s rare to reach the state of happiness, we do not want to jinx it. We keep it a secret out of fear that, in the next moment, it all will come crashing down around us.

To quote my new favorite show, The Good Place, “That’s forking bull-shirt”.  I recently told my wife I never thought I would be this happy. And I mean it. I have the two jobs I’ve always wanted, being a public speaker, and leading a non-profit. I reached my professional goals at 35. I have a great wife, and wonderful pup. I live in the coolest house around, and I have a great loving family, in-laws included. My friends, new and old, are so supportive, funny, and get me in a way I had never experienced. Life is grand, and I know that it will not stay this way forever, but man does it feel good to say it, and say it loud, “I’m freaking happy, the happiest I have ever been."

Saying that out loud does not mean I’m content or that an anvil is going to drop on my head and ruin everything. I worked hard to improve the non-profit I now lead. I work diligently to expand my public speaking market. I think about adopting a baby and starting a family every day. There are still trails to hike, people to meet, and ways to convince my wife to make New Orleans our second home. I have created new goals and dreams to chase because life does not end at 35. But that does not take away the fact I’m super freaking happy right now.

At one point, I was so low I thought about taking my own life. Reaching this level of happiness seemed impossible. That experience taught me to embrace happiness with as much gusto as I could muster.  Life has the potential to become even better and I can become happier, or life could get worse and I can lose this feeling. But, by not admitting it, I’m denying its existence and that is no way to experience happiness or life.  If we only experience happiness after it’s gone, it becomes a place we look back at with regret. It’s not an emotion to avoid and it doesn’t disappear the moment we admit to feeling it. We can learn to linger in compliments. We can embrace tears of joy. We can swim in laughter. And, we can allow our smiles to shine a light on the path that led to happiness in the first place. So when we lose it, we will  know how to get it back. As the nursery song we learned as kids taught us, if you're happy and you know it, do something with it.