Sunday Night With John: Bootstraps

There is this notion that people like to throw around a lot, “Just pick yourself up by the bootstraps”. This idea means that no matter what happens to you, you alone have the ability to dust yourself off and move yourself through and beyond life's obstacles. And then, tell an amazing story to the world about how you conquered your demons. Look. I get it. It’s a lovely notion that no matter what problem we face in our lives we have it within ourselves to right the wrongs, to resist the temptation to give up, and, when the big scary world screams, "You don’t matter," we stand-up, stare the world down, and say, "You will regret those words". It’s more complicated than that because the question becomes, what do people do when they cannot socially, mentally, economically, and emotionally afford those bootstraps.

I know this because I was afforded a wonderful start in life. I was born in America as a white male with two loving parents who told me over and over again that I could achieve whatever I wanted. College, education, life, and how to live correctly were daily topics of conversation. But, at age three, I wasn’t pulling myself up by my bootstraps. I had parents for that. What if I was one of those people whose father came home drunk and knocked me over? I had help with my homework on a consistent basis, so much that I argued with my parents to get off my back about it. What if I was one of those kids whose parents worked two jobs to make ends meet? And, I had to take care of my three younger siblings so homework was not even a top ten consideration?  My family grew up in America where threats of violence are rare. But what about war-torn countries? What do those families worry about every day--water, food, just seeing tomorrow.

I get it. We all want this to be easy.

Someone is homeless, not my problem. Get a job, you bum! This attitude happens because talking about mental health issues arising from abuse, war, and an awful life is too complicated.

Someone is suffering from drug addiction. Have more willpower and get a job, you bum! You say this, as you sip your fifth diet pop of the day, because talking about how addiction stems from a myriad of issues is too complicated. I bet you are glad you picked a legal drug to be addicted to.

Someone is profiled by an authority figure because of the color of their skin, sexuality, gender or gender identity. Racism and sexism is dead and get a job, you bums! You say or think this because having a conversation about being left out is too hard since you really do not know what it feels like to be left out.

Other countries need to take care of their own problems so get a job, you bums, the lot of you! Because having a conversation about how people, born into violent regions, who have never known real freedom, is too hard.

This is hard. No one said it would be easy. And, boiling everything down to the lowest common denominator is not helping anyone, let alone helping people feel like they even know what boot straps are; let alone know to pick themselves up by them.

Look, I’m successful but I had help--a stable living environment filled with love, born to a country and an ethnicity where I didn’t have to look over my shoulder while being shadowed by some stereotype. My boot straps were a lot stronger than others. I’m fully aware of that. But, I cannot, and will not, judge others through the lens of my life, because my variables and your circumstances differ so widely. And, before you dismiss this as just another rant about how we need to help each other, ask yourself.

 Where are this kid’s bootstraps?