Confident. Yet Flexible

Confident, Yet Flexible

John Paul Derryberry

The yearly drive north to escape the doldrums of life for a weekend is complete. I have a tasty beverage in my hand as I swing with my wife on a wooden swing overlooking our favorite river. I can feel the stress melting away, like a river just shedding all its winter coat. The only sounds reverberating around us are wildfire, the flow of the river, and the water crashing into the rocks left from the glaciers eons ago. Our very own sound machine was finally not simulated but experienced. I often worry about humans who don't get the therapeutic need for nature's healing ways.

On this trip, we are staying at a new place where you can dip your toe in the cold water from the front porch. The river confidently flows past us, headed to dump into the big Lake Superior. But, while it moves confidently, it remains flexible enough to bend and turn. It's not concerned with barreling through the lands but remaining malleable enough to traverse the unique landscape smoothly. It will reach its destination. It has to, but it doesn't mind taking a detour here or there.

The confident yet flexible nature of the water's flow is what I feel remains of what I have battled since my recovery from depression and suicidal thinking. My journey installed a sense of confidence in me that I can navigate most situations. Yet this calm confidence is somehow a liability in some people's eyes. Numerous people have said my confidence is often my biggest weakness. It's always confused me; most people say they want a confident leader, yet we constantly ask them to turn it down when around confident people. And yes, I know the downside of confidence is arrogance. I have fallen victim to that at times. That's mainly because we all fall victim to the downside of our strengths from time to time. It is a delicate dance with our strengths to have them not spill over into weaknesses.

Maybe that's why I'm drawn to rivers more than lakes. Watching the water move reminds me to not become stagnant; seeing such a powerful force decide it would be better to alter its course than stubbornly fight a losing battle. It has become so confident that it will reach its desired destination that it can be confidently flexible, not concerned with proving its massive power but remaining on course for its goals. And too often, when we struggle, it's because we take our eyes off the dreams and become inflexible to any action that is not our own. Our struggles, journeys, and life experiences build strengths within us. Leaning into those strengths will determine if we navigate our future struggles with grace or bluster. I have done both in my time and will do both again in the future. I just hope I steer more toward grace than bluster during my days.

I find myself at the mouth of the river, where it meets its goal of meeting Lake Superior. Even here, it takes one last 90 degree turn before it reaches its goals. The river remains confident, yet flexible. This is something I strive to do for my family and the people I care for. I don't always know the path, but I'm confident I can figure it out. Probably more critically, I attempt to stay flexible enough to know it might mean changing directions from time to time. But, we all must keep moving, flowing toward our goals. Good luck with reaching your destination. Relax, enjoy the turns, and remain confident but flexible, and you'll arrive where you want, just like the mighty river.