Dear My Little Ladies: Stand On Your Own Two Feet

Dear My Little Ladies: Stand On Your Own Two Feet

John Paul Derryberry

Girls, Stand on Your Own Two Feet!

Dear Amelia and Greta,
It's already been a year since the last time I wrote out a life lesson for you. It was straight from your Grandma Derryberry. The lesson was all about making sure you take time from the breakneck speed of life to dance with the people who love you. It always reminds your old man about the purpose of life, not to acquire stuff, but to carve out as many memorable moments as possible. We danced a lot this year, and there is plenty more to come. http://jpderryberry.com/blog/dancelittleladies

This year, let's talk about one of the most annoying things your Grandfather Derryberry did to me when I was a child. I have always struggled with spelling and often asked the older people around me how to spell a word, often multiple times for the same word. Most adults would help me by spelling out the word. Easy-peasy, can't spell a word, find someone who can.

Well, your grandfather didn't operate under this notion. Every time I asked him for help spelling a word, he would say, "sound it out, and look it up in the dictionary." I would be furious! Why would I go all the way downstairs to the dictionary and try to look up a word I didn't know how to spell when he was sitting right there with the knowledge? The stubborn man never once budged off this line of helping. He was trying to teach me that I was capable of figuring it out on my own, that I was sturdy enough on my own two feet to solve my problems. I never took my dad up on his offer, often just misspelling words in papers and moving on. Finally, he asked if I was okay living with the consequences of my A content paper getting marked down to a B because of bad spelling. I usually was, and he would say okay, and we would move on.

But later on, when I was a young professional and struggling with reaching clients, I realized something about my dad's lesson. At some point, doing just enough for a client to get a "B" wasn't good enough. Instead, the client deserved an "A" from me, so they could live better lives. That meant figuring it out, which meant going to look stuff up in a dictionary at trainings, practicing, learning how to stand on my own two feet so others could stand on theirs. It's never a fun process when you look around the room and realize the situation is not operating at its best because of your actions. It's a gut punch when you look in the mirror and know you're a mess.

People who don't stand on their own two feet tend to blame those around them. They lash out; it's always everyone else's fault, never their fault, much like I accused my dad of ruining my paper. The first couple of times that my reports came back with the line, "good content, bad spelling," I told my Dad, If he had spelled the words, I would have an "A". He sat me down and said, "your name is on top of that paper, not mine. That B is a reflection of your work, not mine. I'll always help, but I won't do it for you. You have to stand on your own merits to feel good about who you are."

As usual, my father was right about this little life lesson. People who stand on their own, ask for help, know that they need the support of others to achieve their dreams, and no one gets to the mountain top without assistance. Yet, they know it's their job to do the heavy lifting, take responsibility for their actions, and learn to be stable independently. Because on the other hand, when we interact with people who can't stand on their own two feet, they crumble like a house of cards when even the softest winds blow. I should know because your dad has crumbled once or twice. I spent a small portion of my life blaming everyone else for the stuff wrong in my life. I was incapable of standing on my own two feet and didn't trust myself.

At some point, you'll face a life-wind gust that will have you questioning everything about yourself. So I'll always help you figure it out, give you pros and cons on how to proceed, and when you are little, make sure the practice-falls you take are small. But, at some point, the name on your life is your own. And it's my job to show you, you can stand on your own two feet. I know, at some point, you will hate me for this life lesson. It's one of the toughest ones to learn, but I will always want you both to remember those two little feet you have are strong enough to hold you up. You can figure it out with a bit of help; you can solve your problems with advice from your support system; and you can climb whatever mountaintop you want.

The beauty of standing on your own two feet that my dad forgot to mention was the view. The overwhelming sense of pride one gets when looking at their life, when they know it's because of their hard work, care, and compassion. It's from the loving energy they put into their friends, family, and relationships. Well, my little ladies, nothing beats that. So we will practice standing on our own two feet, so no one can push you down when I'm not around.

Love, your bad spelling, but firmly standing on his own two feet, father.

PS- Ask your mother about her trip to Europe and all the times she has stood on her own two feet. She's probably better at it than dear old Dad.