What I Don't Think About While Running

What I Don’t Think About While Running

John Paul Derryberry

Look, I was all set this week to write elegantly about the mothers of my life: My mom, the constant cheerleader, who even four states over figured out a way to support my family. My mother-in-law, who daily shows me that we made the correct decision, for our girls and our life, to relocate to Mason City, Iowa. My wife, who somehow finds a way daily to show me how lucky am I, whether that's in the way she treats the girls, our home, and strangers, or in the way she both grounds and inspires me. 

Yet, this is not the week for that, even if it is Mother's Day today. Why? Because of Ahmaud Abery! Killed running while black. I started running again ten years ago. Yesterday, I logged my best 10k time in five years. I purposefully run without music playing. It's my form of daily meditation.  I get to think about life, my family, my friends, win a bunch of arguments, plot out blogs, and next steps for growth.  By now, I have run thousands of miles in numerous states on many different surfaces and have had many different thoughts go through my mind. Not one of them was, two men will gun me down because of the color of my skin. Not freaking once!

I won't pretend to offer any advice on how to combat racism because, too often, too many white people start with that premise. I won't pretend any act I will take will put a dent into racism because too many white people do that.  What I will attempt to do is to first lay out the stuff I don't have to think about while I run, highlighting the difference between straight white men getting their miles in vs. what other groups have to think about.

I have never thought that I did not get a job because my name doesn't sound American enough. I have never thought, did that person cross the street because I'm white. I have never thought about, hope my kids get treated well at daycare because of their background.  I have never thought that police officers driving by were racially-profiling me as a trouble maker in the neighborhood I live in. I have never thought, I can't believe my boss didn't realize that comment was racist and it was said in an entire, department group email.  I have never thought of how to explain to children that some adults will mistreat them because of the color of their skin. I have never thought, I hope my kids make it home from the walk from school because they like to wear their hoods up. 

I'm free to think about so much more than all that crap above.  And we won't be free until we reach the point where driving while black, running while black, and well, doing basically anything while black is safe. One group got to protest recently about the inconvenience of having to wear a mask. It was celebrated by many as an act of true patriotism. While one black man was outcast for taking a knee. So if they can't kneel, can't run, can't protest, what are they supposed to do to change the circumstances of racism in their countries? 

I could write, I feel this because I'm a runner, but I can't. I'm not black and will never know what it's like to go running while black. That's the real crime in our country. Thinking that having to wear a mask during a pandemic is equivalent to being persecuted- it's not even close. We won't truly be free people as a country until we achieve the ability for all races to run, walk, kneel, and live free of as much fear as the person they are running next to.  

The second thing I want to accomplish is for my minority readers to reach out and tell me where to donate. Tell me where to protest. Tell me where to run with them. I will never have the target on my back. They always will. But maybe, I can ease the load or have them feel less lonely. And, every mile I have ever run, I have always thought would be easier with someone running next to me! And they shouldn’t need me to run next to them. I’m just trying my best to figure out how to help and if what I said here was wrong, tell me. I’ll listen. For now know I'm willing to run next to you, with you, so maybe next year we both can write about the mothers in our lives!