Experience Not Needed

Experience Not Needed

John Paul Derryberry

"I've seen the light," is uttered daily by someone somewhere in our culture, even more so, now that COVID-19 has been politicizing and somehow alienating large portions of our population. The current pandemic has numerous people denying its existence only to recant when the diagnosis lands on them.  This strange corner of our culture is not new. It highlights our flawed and odd obsession with having personal experience with something before acknowledging its existence.

"Homelessness people are lazy, at least that's what I thought before I became homeless," is a phrase I've heard from many recently homeless people.  They will state, "I had no clue how hard you had to work to dig yourself out of this type of hole. I have never worked this hard and I have my masters degree," stated a former client as he and I updated the resume for his job search. His dumbfounded look at, how the hell did I end up here, revealed a person who never comprehended that their life could blow up in their face.  He didn't believe that he was human or vulnerable.

Let me save you from having to experience homelessness to understand it. It sucks-- like a lot, a lot. No one ever asks for it, yet usually it occurs because of a string of bad choices, multiplied by bad luck. Yet, we should find a way to hold compassion for these people, even though we haven't experienced it. And no amount of dismissing it will ever solve it. Outcasts don't rejoin society when ignored and tossed aside. They rejoin when invited.

I don't mean a donate some old shirts to the local shelter and go home and feel good about yourself type of compassion. If that's all you can muster, please keep doing it. I mean not looking past them, not hurrying your pace because you find yourself in a homeless person's presence. Maybe, just maybe, if it's a neutral safe location, create a connection with them, talking with them like they are a human being, because they are.

And, it's not just homelessness. We withhold compassion in so many situations: racism, sexism, abuse, classism, immigration, mental health, to name a few off the top of my head. Some of those things listed I will never experience, but that doesn't mean I can't hold compassion and understanding for those who do.  It doesn't mean that I can't learn to lessen their existence in my corner of the world. In a world increasingly fascinated with everyone having experience in whatever they're doing, let's pivot away from that when it comes to compassion.

Let's imagine connections when you are talking to somewhere struggling with anything. We need to withhold judgment and remind ourselves that no one at the age of seven said they wanted to burden others when they grew up. Compassion is the one thing where experience is not needed. We don't have to see the light to care about our fellow humans. We need to have a heart. The last time I checked, we all have those. Let's finally put them to use.