A Fatherly Focus

A Fatherly Focus

John Paul Derryberry

As my oldest attempted her fifteenth hand stand in the pool this afternoon, her frustration grew as she realized she was losing progress and decided to hold on to her newfound skill longer. I pulled her to the side and talked about finding her breath, slowing down, and reaching a calm state of mind. To my surprise, my young daughter listened intently and discovered the benefit of centering oneself during frustration. A smile only a proud dad can have flashed across my face.

My father tried to instill this lesson in me years ago: control your emotions, work through scenarios, and problem-solve out of the situation. Always preaching use your brain to get through situations. I was a stubborn learner, and I am still an emotional guy who has to often use the advice I gave my daughter today on myself. Emotions are great, and we should run through the game of feeling them. They really are what brings life such depth. Yet I still advise many people I interact with to calm themselves before making huge choices in life or attempting to learn a new skill.

If only my Dad could see me know, attempting to teach his lessons to his granddaughters. It would be one of his giant, I told you so, moments. With a smile, only a Dad watching his kid's parent can have come across their face. It would have been some sly comment with a smirk about, "Oh, so you listened to me but never applied the lesson." My Dad was right about many things, but probably most right he was about using your brain to solve problems. To do that, one has to center themselves emotionally. Not forget them, not push them away, and do not act as if they are not there, but center yourself in the middle of it all, take a slow, deep breath, and realize the best way through is to problem-solve with your smarts.

My daughter eventually bounded away to another game she was inventing on the spot in the pool. I could not help but chuckle at the stark reminder of my Dad on Father's Day. It's such a joy being a dad, to be focused on helping these little humans make sense of the world. To attempt to instill a moral compass that won't be swayed by flimsy, half-witted arguments, to try to show them compassion and care in a way they want to pass along to others, and most importantly, to show them both their emotions and how they think are big deals. It takes a type of focus one does not understand until they are in the thick of it. It's something I hope to never lose focus of, and to all those other fathers in the thick of it, stay in it; it's such a fantastic emotional and mental feeling.