Catch You On The Flip Side
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Catch You On The Flip Side
John Paul Derryberry
I had a magical childhood. Any memory of poor treatment from those in my orbit is just a footnote on people being human and imperfect. From newborn until 14 years and ten months, my life was a made-for-TV special where everything always works out. A mom who pushed me to do everything and told me that I was special. A dad who encouraged me to question people, concepts, authority, and life in a way that always engages in curiosity. Even older siblings who were old enough to allow me to feel like an only child, never took that opportunity to make me think that. The foundation created joy, happiness, and memories to propel me forward.
It wasn't until I met that other side of my personality that I understood life. It's not that foundational work doesn't matter—it does tremendously. I wouldn't be where I am without those 14 peaceful years. Yet, I know without a doubt that without my time with the flip side of my personality, I wouldn't be someone who understands life in a way that allows me to help others understand their lives, too. Knowing depression and suicidal thinking the way I do led to a better understanding of those first 14 years. It's often cultural programming to view mental and emotional health as a negative with no upside. I will always advocate the flip side of the best versions of ourselves; our worst versions offer us tremendous value if we know how to work through it.
Anxiety causes fear and has value because there are times we should fear things. Sometimes, we are so anxious we move through things because being stuck scares us. I know some folks working through depression who would love to become unstuck. Heck, when I was struggling with depression, I would have loved to have a piece of those who have anxiety that causes them to move. Anxiety causes us to retreat socially, and that has value because sometimes we do need to be alone with our own thoughts. Trust me, we have some leaders I wish would understand that less is more, and they should retreat socially from the world.
Or you grew up poor, and your family had to choose between food and heat in the winter. That fact caused you to ensure that it never happened to your kids. You broke the generational mental health grip on your family by using the worst of life to motivate you to create a better life. Maybe you didn't reach the heights that you thought you would, but I promise you your grandkids will thank you for changing their lives. In a world that attempts never to show us any downside unless filtered through a pretty lens, there is value in learning what it means to view things through the flip side of your life.
I didn't really know joy and happiness until I understood the depths we can go into: sadness and anger. I didn't know the true meaning of resilience and connection until I had a moment of giving up and genuinely being alone. It has allowed me to ask questions to all kinds of folks from so many different backgrounds, not about what we should do to fix this situation, but about what we are learning and gaining from it. I once viewed my battle with depression as something I had to rid myself of. In reality, it was always a battle about coming to grips with this thing that is a part of me. A part of me that always will be no matter where I go, what I do, or who I am around. And it can be a healthy part of me.
Somewhere along this journey through life, I realized that the flip side of personality has strengths. These qualities are what I could tap into to better my life and the lives of my family, friends, wife, kids, peers, co-workers, and audience members. I didn't have to hide or filter these qualities through some lens to gain approval. They are what make me, me. I had to be with the correct people to understand and become comfortable sharing my flip side. Somewhere along the way, I did, and I am no longer concerned about catching myself on the flip side. I started to encourage it.