Sunday Night With John: Forever Connected

Forever Connected

John Paul Derryberry

My wife was out of town for four days this weekend and I was a mess. I missed her. Life was boring. And, I spent a lot of time being worried about what would happen to me if I didn't have her. This isn't some sappy blog post attempting to score brownie points with my wife. It's about how I used to be terrified of connections like this and now I do not know how to function in life without them. For many, the mere idea of being so connected to another person forces them to recoil from relationships. For others, the burn of past poor relationships causes them to second guess every connection they create. For me, it was having two great relationships ripped away from me at a young age. The confusion and pain I suffered from lost great connections were too much of burden. I avoided them for years. 

This had me pondering the age-old question this weekend about why so many people go to such great lengths to not foster these relationships. It all boils down to fear. The human experience is an odd one, as we know all the research shows sharing, being connected, and engaging with significant others, family, and friends improves health, extends life, and brightens our mood. Many of us struggle to utter anything other than, I'm fine, when asked how we are doing. Many of us insist we are still independent or will be just fine without our friends or significant other.  It's considered a weakness to admit we need people. 

I find this thinking odd as we seek out friends and romantic partners daily. We teach our children that families matter and teamwork makes the dream work. Yet, when it comes time to lean on those relationships or to admit our darkest fears, we fall silent, only trusting ourselves. My journey to reconnecting with others was about whether, if I was ever as connected to a human as I was to Eric and my father and lost them, I would survive the pain of grief a second time.

It was some beautiful friends in college who allowed me to realize that life was better being deeply connected with the lives of others. Being slightly attached and capable of walking away from people leads to an empty life. I learned over the years that relationships are supposed to hurt when they end. It means you were invested in them. It shows you cared. It says that, despite knowing full well everything ends, you found the courage to say I embrace the future pain because being a significant other to you is so freaking great. 

So yeah, my wife was out of town for four days and I was not too fond of it. I wanted her to be around and I missed her. And, I'll tell her when she returns because I want her to know that without her life is no good.  It's incredible to be forever connected with others.  In the end, it's these connections that define our experience. They validate the time we get on this earth and make the smiles more meaningful. They make the tears earned. They make our endings authentic and push us to squeeze the most out of the time we do get. I'm deeply connected to my wife, family, and friends and not once has that ever felt like a weakness.