Sunday Night With John: Hand(s) Forged
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Hand(s) Forged
John Paul Derryberry
The beauty of jewelry isn't in the final product; it's in the process it takes to go from a hunk of metal and rock into a refined, glimmering piece of art. The heating, the casting, the designing, the imperfections stamped out, crafting beauty from nothing. We often gush at the final product instead of the creative process and all the hands that went into crafting the piece. We do the same thing in relationships, celebrate the years together instead of all the people that help make any link successful.
This week Anne and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary, and I spent most of the week thinking about the rings we wear to symbolize our love. It's not easy making two lives one day in and day out. We come from such diverse backgrounds with different thoughts of what life should look like, to achieve relationship bliss is the constant blending of different ideas, morals, and beliefs.
Six and half years ago, we started the process through our engagement. I had my dad's band from the ring he purposed with to my mom. We didn't want our rings to represent my dad's love for my mom. I asked Anne's parents for their blessing in asking Anne to marry me. I handed them the ring my dad used and said Anne and I want to turn this into her ring somehow, and she wants her mom to assist in the design. Anne's engagement ring would be my dad's ring and her mom's plan. Our melting our lives together was going to happen.
As the process unfolded, we learned new material would have to be added to ensure there was enough metal to craft the ring. Then Anne had the idea to split my dad's ring into half of her ring and half of my wedding band. New diamonds were placed in the engagement ring of Anne and her mom's design. Next came her wedding band, from 1916 and her great-grandma, Lita. Anne took the only little diamond left in my parent’s ring and added it to the 1916 wedding band. Her nifty Anne trick, she put the diamond on the inside of the ring. Our rings, symbolizing our connection and love, spanned our family tree from 1916 to the present. From great-grandmas to fathers and mothers, our love is grounded in our past to give us a better future.
We all are a combination of the choices our family made through history and our own experiences. We often forget that in our society's never-ending telling us to forget what happened before us. Our love for each other is told through lenses of the people who shaped us and those who developed them. It's our job to carry those stories with us, from as far back as we have them, to inform us daily of how lucky we have it. Our rings, our symbols of our love, are the perfect combination of new and old and tell a story of how we live our lives. It's a daily reminder for me to know that half my ring is my dad's ring and all the lessons he gave me on how to be a good husband and father.
We forged our rings from our family tree. We know they were made from love even though we didn't meet everyone. Time casted our rings. Reminding Anne and me, it's not about the final product but the process it takes to create a beautiful relationship and the people we need to help us make that happen.