Handshake With Death
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Handshake With Death
John Paul Derryberry
"How the heck do you stay so calm? I mean, like nothing really bothers you." A coworker both stated and inquired.
"I mean, the real reason is rather morbid. I have twice seriously considered suicide as an option for my life. So often I compare current life to those moments and realize it's nothing to get worked up over." I responded. The coworker did the head nod agreement thing that many of us do when we do not know how to react. There is a famous saying about shaking hands with death. The notion of a near-death experience provides the perspective people need to understand how important life is.
The reality for me is, yes, those two experiences, the two lowest points of my life, provide some perspective on how lonely and low we can get. They do not tell the duality of how perspective on life can shape how we interact with the world. Because just as important as my two handshakes with death are the too many to count handshakes with life. Yes, I know how low life can get, but we also have to bask in how great it can be to live any life worth living. To not give in to the notion that life must harden us as we age, we must become dismissive of others as we move through life, and not allow the tug of sadness to win its game of tug of war.
Because life has given me countless moments of hope, laughter, memories, and love. From confiding in my sister about my mental health struggles and being greeted with compassion, to my first college basketball game, or the 2-week road trip to the Pacific Ocean with my 3 best friends upon finishing school. Life also allowed me to play in a band, and people sang along to a couple of our original songs. Life has given me a conversation with my Brother when we celebrated his 40th birthday in Las Vegas and another with me when I was 40 in Edinburgh, Scotland. 20 years of a yearly camping trip with my friends, and the best cup of tea with my wife on our honeymoon was spent half up in the mountains in the Canadian Rockies.
And now, I am passing along life to my girls: Minnesota hiking, fishing, and canoeing, camping, comic booking, and creating stories that will hopefully teach them the correct life lessons. I get why so many feel death is a motivator for life. We will all shake hands with death at some point. So we do a lot to avoid it. But as a guy who has shaken hands with both, the life handshake is better. It is filled with everything we need for a happy, healthy life. We are vulnerable and open to what it has to offer. It's chasing stories, chasing love even when you do not know what love is. It's laughing until we cry, connecting so deeply with others that we cry when it's over.
The healthier I get, the less those two handshakes with death control my actions. Life is not perfect or grand, but it is a life worth living, one of which I can be proud. It has challenged me to be the best version of myself. I plan to keep doing that for whatever length of time I have left. I would change my answer, I do not allow stress to roll off me because of those two struggles with my mental health. I allow stress to roll off me because of my life before, between, and after those two moments.