Do You Remember How To Care?

Do You Remember How To Care?

John Paul Derryberry

A co-worker displayed rare professional bravery in the middle of a heated discussion about whether to discharge a teen from our program 15 years ago. First, they dared to say what many of us were thinking. Then, as we debated what to do about this particular case, they blurted out, this is tough for me because I don't personally like the kid. We all chuckled, and then most of us shared a similar sentiment. Finally, our team-assigned therapist stated that it would be healthier if we decided with those facts out in the open. And they reassured us it was perfectly normal to have hard-to-process feelings about folks we serve. She then asked, do we have the ability to care beyond ourselves because this decision isn't about us.

I have thought about that moment in my personal and professional career weekly for the last 15 years. Am I caring beyond myself, or am I making this decision solely based on myself?

I have this theory about people, probably because I'm an extroverted optimist. I feel most people set out to do good in the world and get lost along the way. They get burned out, beaten down, have bad luck, examine the scene, and say, I'll do just enough to keep me happy. Then, they stop caring beyond themselves. They never admit it out loud because society would look down upon that type of admission. They blame the folks or circumstances around them, but never themselves. Yet, when they look in the mirror, they know they have decided personally to only care about their emotions and professionally have given up on making an impact.

In some respects, it's an easy trap to fall into. Yet, there is something bold about experiencing life and not forgetting what your guiding light was. My guiding light was and is to leave people better than I found them because a few people did that for me, making my life infinitely better. And yes, I try to do that even for people I don't particularly care about. I would say especially for people I don't really care for. I don't consistently achieve this goal; I have selfish tendencies like anybody else. But it remains my goal, that started 15 years ago, to never stop caring beyond my selfish ways.

We voted to give the struggling teen another shot with our program. The outcome of this case isn't essential. We passed the test. Life did not beat us up enough to give up our guiding lights. We remembered to care beyond ourselves; here's hoping more of us remember to care about people besides ourselves. It's the only way to remind others they should care about others too.