I'm A Loser, Baby!

I’m A Loser Baby

John Paul Derryberry

It's an odd feeling, continually failing yet avoiding the inevitability of inevitable defeat. As young people who played sports can attest, until the clock strikes, someone crosses the finish line, or until another person makes the winning move, there is a small part of you that thinks you can pull this out. As you grow older, you realize losing is baked into the equation of life. I have lined up for two marathon runs, knowing I wouldn't come in first overall or In my age group. Before they fire the starter's pistol, I have lost. The lead runners, mostly Kenyans, would have to trip and fall multiple times for me to lose by less than an hour to them. But still I run.

Perpetually losing has been a theme of my life since I was 14: lost my father, lost a friend. My first college closed. I get more no's for public speaking than I do yeses. Let's not even begin to count the number of failed relationships. Or, the number of people I have attempted to help out of their trauma, drug use, homelessness, or find clarity in their battle with mental health. In fact, I walk into work most days, knowing I'm fighting a losing battle. 

So I always find it out odd when I see people struggle so mightily with losing, struggle to come to terms with, this time, it wasn't in the cards for them. I scoff at the notion when they say they can't learn something about themselves from accepting defeat. This essay isn't a "you don't learn from winning argument", either. I have gained many valuable lessons from winning. It's just a fact that we all lose and we will continue to lose throughout life. 

I think it's the tag of "loser" that so many don't want hanging around their necks. They avoid it at all costs. They believe it signals that they are defective. They think it reveals moral shortcomings. They worry that it shows thier vulnerabilities. But actually, it does nothing except prove you are human and provide you with an opportunity to respond. It's that response that determines if you are defective, if you have moral shortcomings, and shows your vulnerabilities.  

So, count me a loser. I'm okay with the tag, because it's those who have lost but continue to get up and search for ways to win, who make the best people. They are the people who realize a loss is only temporary, and the next time it might go differently. They are resilient. They know winning at all costs is wrong. They know they will get another chance. They know people who say they win all the time are spewing nonsense, because no one wins all the time. So find yourselves a loser who isn't jaded with life. Find yourself people that have lost but remain hopeful. Find yourself losers who, after a defeat, say I'll get the next one. Yes, by definition, they are losers, but they understand what it takes to be a winner. And that's what matters in life, being around people who understand what it takes to be a winner even in defeat.