Imbalanced Running

Imbalanced Running

John Paul Derryberry

Bottom of a long steep hill, and my eyes are finally adjusting to running in the semi-dark state of the early morning hours. It's probably just crossed 6:15 a.m. in the morning, and I'm 45 minutes into my long run for the week. Frozen to my left are three deer, and I jump scared when my eyes finally lock on them. I first thought they were lawn statues, but my heart skipped a beat when one blinked. I'm sure they were confused as to why a human would be operating during their hours. I pick up my head to see the hill I'm about to climb; a usually small moment of sadness overcomes me. But, finally, I see the softest hue of orange and purple at the top, breaking through the morning darkness, signaling the upcoming sunrise. It brings a small smile to my face, a warm sight in the dark.

I'm 800 miles into my running this year and exactly a month away from a marathon. No music in my ears, just the thoughts in my head, as I criss-cross Mason City trying my best to stay healthy, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. If we are honest with ourselves, that has been a lot harder recently than in the past. The pandemic, politics, the state of affairs, fighting, oh so much fighting, and the long length of this unrest hasn't provided much safety for most of us to breathe. The decisions we have had to make in the past 18 months are difficult ones, and they have seemed to pull our focus in so many ways. Yet, I'm impressed that most of us have kept our heads above water.

The running kept my sanity, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to exhaustion at all of this. It's easy to forget what matters in big moments; maybe we cling to our to-do lists for a sense of ordinary life. We have to get that to-do list done, or who else will do it. There is comfort in clicking off mowing the lawn, seeing the laundry pile disappear, getting to the thing you would always say you would do but don't. It was my hope that through this, we would realize how fragile our time is and maybe learn that we need to connect more with people and less with the to-do list.

We are always running out of time. This pandemic reminded me of that at every turn. One in 500 Americans lost their lives, One out of 500 Americans have run out of time. Of course, somebody else will pick up that to-do list for them, but many people will wish they were around to talk with them for five more minutes. It's why I find myself on the road at 5:00 a.m., not because I'm a morning person. I have a to-do list like everyone else. My to-do list was filled with running; it was my way of ignoring the pandemic, maybe my way of ignoring more than the pandemic. Just run as many miles as possible; perhaps I could outrun all of my stressors. Being 39 and approaching the age my dad started having health problems doesn't help. I constantly worry whether my genetic material is meant for a long life. I look at my daughters, wife, family, and friends and know I want as much time as possible. So I run; but what good is running 20 miles on Saturday if it takes me away from the people I love for 3 hours?

My wife pointed this out one day to me, and it hit home. The very thing that I was doing to be around longer was sucking the time up now. Something had to change. So I would run while they slept. This isn’t some essay about throwing out to-do list. Our to-do lists must get done. Trust me, I understand the lawn must be taken care of, but not at the cost of the people we love. My runs must get done, but not at the cost of the people I love. It's about finding that balance and tipping the scales ever so slightly to the people we love. It's a very unAmerican thought process to have, but it's the proper thought process to have.

Up the hill I trek, and my watch says it's approaching 6:20. I guess the sunrise breaking through is reminding me it's time to turn. My girls get moving by 7, and I like my little morning time with them. So I turn to head west. The warm glow of the sunrise from the east will carry me home. I've got a to-do list to ignore so I can watch ten minutes of Paw Patrol with my little ladies. Life has taught me those little moments fill up my soul way more than crossing off an item on the to-do list. Hopefully, I can remember that even during stressful times like these. It's the people that make the world go round. We all do better, myself included, if we rewrite those to-do lists with the people we love in mind. All my running is to keep me healthy enough to get years with my girls, it’s not good if the to-do list is written with that goal in mind at all times.