It's Rarely, If Ever, About You!

It’s Rarely, If Ever, About You

John Paul Derryberry

A hot-to-trot young social worker, turning a program around, bounced down the hallways after a young man was discharged from the program. This was a young client whom many professionals had thought was unreachable. I beamed with confidence that I could take on the world and change the social work profession trajectory for the greater good. On truth serum, this would probably be the thought-pattern of every young professional entering every field. They would take on and change the world and receive a celebration for doing such great work.

Not even a month later, this dejected young social worker received the call, in which I found out the real truth about the helping business and life in general. Unfortunately, the young client had overdosed and the outlook wasn't great. My supervisor at the time pulled me aside and set me straight. "You had all the energy to change the world, yet you failed to see it didn't impact the person in front of you. It was about you and finding a moment of glory. Energy focused on yourself doesn't change the world and sure as hell doesn't impact anyone around you. So how are you going to harness this energy and your passion and make it not about you?"

And isn't that the truth of the matter? Suffering in our communities, hospitals, places of work, and neighborhoods doesn't end when we make it about ourselves. Yes, many significant accomplishments occur in our world in the pursuit of selfish gains. Still, they rarely, if ever, bring about the social change needed to include everyone. It's mostly about you, your insecurities, your need to be right no matter what the consequences, and the need for your view of the world to be absolute. I say "you," but who among us, myself included, hasn't gone on a selfish behavior bender a couple of times in our lives.

Yet, we have seen over this past 18 months, that the individual is limited. So, yes, you have achieved the ability to not wear a mask or take a scientifically-advanced vaccine. Yet that protected right has cost us how many of our neighbors? Maybe some of us are okay with this type of loss. Maybe, like the governor of Mississippi stated, some of us are so grounded in faith that we don't feel the urge to act. Yet, a religious belief that doesn't have you help your neighbor is a type of faith I find ugly. The folks who protest in downtrodden neighborhoods, but don't return to support the minority-owned business the next week, are not helping the residents. No justice, no peace, has to transcend the marches and result in action. Like, making sure you have a cup of coffee in that neighborhood and sitting outside while you're at it. Maybe it will signal to others that this place is safe enough to hang out at.

I get the rush of selfish actions, making it about you. It makes you feel invincible, makes you feel like life has meaning. Telling off someone who didn't get vaccinated is a rush, but it doesn't result in that person getting the vaccine. Yelling, "God's got it!" seems like an affirmation of your faith. It's not! Buying 13 beers for the fallen American soldiers in Afghanistan makes for a beautiful, but empty, symbolic gesture. I'm sure it got a lot of likes on Instagram, but it doesn't answer the question of why we stayed in a 20-year war and why we botched the ending of that war. Maybe take that 130 dollars and find three more friends who'll do the same, and pay a veteran's rent because we have a veteran homeless problem in this country.

I'll keep telling anyone around me, this stuff is hard, real hard, to figure out. Especially when leaders think selfish sound bites are better than solid solutions; when it's about how we look solving the problem, not about how we find the answer. One thing I know, after starting out working with inner-city youth at 19 for my college summer job, if you want to impact people, make a difference, it doesn't happen until you realize it's not about you; it's about them. I know there are complexities within that statement, but it's one of the few truths I know. So this middle-aged social worker, still beaming with all that passion and energy, still wants to change the world. Yet it's not about me; it never was. And the more I find myself in that state of mind, the better the world gets for the people I love and even the ones I don't agree with!