Sunday Night with John: My (Lake) Superior Moment

My (Lake) Superior Moment 

John Paul Derryberry 

If you ever find me on the North Shore in Minnesota, with my wife, my dog, family or friends, know you have seen me in my happiest place. There is something about the big lake, the thick woods, the little lakes, the taste of the drinks and pace of life that jives with me completely. This trip did not disappoint as I had my first meeting with Devil’s Kettle, Pincushion Mountain, Rock of Ages Lighthouse, and the bucket list item, Isle Royale. From this list of adventures, there are numerous qualifying moments as my Superior Lake Moment. Every trip has a moment that captures who I am as a  person and this trip was no different. It could have been seeing a black bear and a moose just days apart. It could be the breathtaking hike with its sights. But, none of those moments could land the top spot this week.

If you are around me long enough, you will quickly hear a diatribe about how I hate people who present themselves as flawless leaders.  This includes presenters and speakers who act, on stage and in their online personas, as if they have all the answers. Throughout my time as a speaker, I have been open about my struggles because an authentic life is the best example, warts and all. I try to show others who are struggling that I, too, struggle. I just didn’t expect it to occur in my happiest place. As I lay in bed on Sunday night, basking in being disconnected from the world for a week, I fell asleep early, only to be jerked wide awake minutes later by my wife, her brother, and her father celebrating Fathers' Day late into the evening. They were laughing and jamming to music, while I began to head down my anger road.  

I was lying in the dark entirely happy with life but this moment had me upset. They had done nothing wrong other than be happy and loud. I’m not one who can ever be upset with anyone for being happy-loud, because I may be one of the top ten happy-loudest people in the tri-state area. I always belt my laughs. I sat in the dark trying to understand my anger. Why now? What was bothering me about their unbridled, well-earned happiness? I have worked with many people on the power of emotions, including their ability to lie, cause us to overreact, and break down healthy relationships, all because they failed to understand what their feelings were really communicating.

I had to do what I have asked so many other people to do --  ask myself, why was I so angry? This is never easy, and always uncomfortable because it causes us to critically think, “Am I wrong?” It’s easier to blame the other people for being too loud or hurting our feelings instead of asking:

Did I pick the correct emotions?

Am I over-reacting?

What is this really about?

How do I want to communicate what is bothering me?

And, countless other questions.

This process is hard because normally we just react to our emotions without thinking. That process is easy and releases the pain of emotional turmoil onto others, which being honest we all prefer.

I took a long breath and listened to a father, daughter, and son  jam out to music. I realized I was jealous. Not too much bothers me about not having my dad around anymore. I have gone through countless Fathers' Days and not felt an ounce of jealousy toward others. But something about tonight brought up emotions of wishing I could have this moment with my father, sharing my favorite place with him, jamming out to old Temptations songs, talking about the next day’s hike. As I realized what was really going on, my anger washed away. I couldn’t have my father but I want Anne to have as many moments with her father as possible. The night switched, I began to enjoy their interactions, and when my brother-in-law urged them not to go to bed because, “It doesn’t get better than this,” I nodded my head in agreement and hoped they were decide to stay up for one more song. We all should stay up as late as possible with loved more often. Laugh as much as possible. Jam out to music with the people you love to the wee hours of the morning. I smiled in happiness for them all, my anger turned to joy. What a moment!

The worst part of my personality showed up in my happy place for a hot minute, but today I rose to the occasion: to work through it, understand it, and move on from it without causing any damage to anybody. Maybe that will happen next time, perhaps it won’t. I’m far from perfect, but tonight my best was superior to my worst. If I string enough moments like that together, I’ll continue to grow my life. This is the moment I bring home from vacation, not the magnificent sights I saw, but the moment of peaceful clarity about what I was experiencing and how I was able to respond to it.