Sunday Night With John: More Than a Snapshot

More Than A Snapshot

John Paul Derryberry 

There is a true story I tell in my speaking events. It’s a personal moment between my mom and I. It’s embarrassing and shows me at my worst. It’s the moment where I yell at my mom, “I wish you had died, not dad”.  She left crying and I was left feeling shocked that I was capable of that much visceral hate and anger toward someone I loved. If anyone had witnessed that moment besides my mom, they would have branded me a loser and tossed aside any idea that I was a good person. Thankfully for me, the moment was kept between my mom and I until we had healed, reached a better place, and agreed it was a moment we could share with others.

I was recently in a discussion about homeless families when it comes to their interactions with their children. And quickly, the judgement birds began circling our conversation. This was not because the people I was talking with are judgmental people, or have a negative view of the world. This isn’t a group who says, how dare they become homeless. This is a group that has great compassion for this sector of the population. But, they do have a window into the worst moment of these people lives -- when they are stressed well past their limits, when they cannot focus on problem solving beyond the next 24 hours, and when they are worried about how others are looking at them.

If you take a trip down your own memory lane, you will remember a moment when you were stressed past your limits, where you could not focus beyond the next moment, and you were worried about how others looked at you. If someone had witnessed that moment, what would they have thought about you? What judgements would we have made about you? And, could someone have tossed you away as a bad person? My own past allows me to stay fully aware of this when interacting with people in need. The worst moment of my life is burned into my existence, which allows me to know there is redemption from a bad emotional moment.

The equation for redemption is rather simple:  compassion plus understanding, multiplied by opportunity. Where we fail in this process is in not understanding and in looking down upon people in need and thinking, that could never happen to me. Drawing a complete picture of a person by looking at a snapshot of their lives is irresponsible. If you do not believe me, just ask me how I found my redemption. My mom, the person who witnessed my snapshot, understood why I was struggling, led with compassion, and continued to give me opportunities to find my way to a better life. I’m more than my worst moment and so are most people.