Sunday Night With John: Mr Yumski and My Editor
/"Chasing The Invisible" examines who John Paul Derryberry is halfway to seventy. I have lived long enough to go through major life moments, but still have a long life ahead of me to figure out the greater conundrums facing my existence.
To catch up, click here for part one:http://jpderryberry.com/blog/foodie
Or here, for part two:http://jpderryberry.com/blog/goodbye
Part Three: Mr Yumski and My Editor
Sometimes you make a decision, such as shedding the slogan for your message, knowing it’s the right direction but you do not know what comes next. This is where I found myself weeks ago after deciding my original message no longer captured who I was as a person and as a speaker. I was left staring into the darkness, searching against the emptiness that I could make something appear in my thoughts capturing the essence of what I want to stand for. It’s tough chasing the invisible and the unknown, as you attempt to capture who you are in a few words.
Where does one go, when searching for meaning and clarity, when life pulls us in so many directions? Who is John Paul Derryberry at age 35? How does John Paul Derryberry interact with the world? And, what is his message? There are times when loved ones answer this question, times when it is friends, times when it’s someone you have never met, and times when the universe aligns and provides you with the answer. The problem we have to overcome is not just looking for it in all the normal places. We must be open to finding answers everywhere, anywhere, and from anybody. I stumbled upon my answer in two very different locations.
I have a friend, let’s call him Mr. Yumski, who is a rather nervous, anxious guy who doesn’t often give out compliments. He shows he appreciates people in different ways. Like when he traveled three plus hours to hear my talk, which was a grand gesture that I much appreciated. He has only known me for three years and I’m lucky enough to be able considered him a friend for the last two years. We were having a discussion about how people should treat each other, and, how people change the way they interact with others based on what they can offer them. Basically, most people step on, or over, those who do not offer them a road to a better life. As the conversation unfolded he said, “Well, except you. You are one of the only people I know who does his best to treat everyone equally". He added, "whether it's an executive of a company or stranger on the street, you are always honest with them. You are a man of integrity.” He quickly moved onto another topic but my brain lingered in the space of: I do my best to treat everyone equally and I have integrity.
It hit me right in the core of who I was. Now, emotions mattering had to make room for integrity as one of the central themes of who I was as a person and as a speaker. It is something I have strived for. And, it’s something that, when I fail to do it, I beat myself up over. I try to treat everyone the same way I want to be treated, with honesty. If everyone's emotions matter, then everyone as a person matters, no matter what I get in return. I was proud that Mr. Yumski saw this in my actions, although I did not know at the time what that would mean for branding my next message. I knew I was interacting with the world the way I wanted, and that is such a great feeling.
I have a volunteer editor for my blog, a woman whom I have never a met in person. We email and talk over the phone about my blogs. We were introduced to each other through a mutual friend. Her experience in journalism was offered free of charge to make my blogs better. I never put much thought into why she offered to help me. I guess I always figured she was doing out it of respect and care for our mutual friend. After editing one particular blog, she emailed to say it was a stellar blog and then she ended her note with the line, "I help you because you care so much for others".
This is a line I have heard from many of the individuals I provide services to. I have always asked them, what is different? I have read your file and you struggled in every other program before ours. Most of them answered with, “John, you actually care about me.” It never dawned on me until my volunteer editor said it to me in an email. The essence of who I am is that I do genuinely care for the people I have in my life, whether that is for seconds, the length of a talk, or years. I believe the only way to help people is to be genuine and truly care. You can have the fanciest website. You can have your cool logos and swanky 8-step process. You can have a flashy presentation. But, if your audience, your date, your co-workers, the people you are educating or providing services to do not think you care, you will eventually fall flat as a fraud. Someone I have never met reminded me that, next to emotions mattering, treating people as I wanted to be treated no matter their status, was a powerful engine allowing me to be successful: fostering genuine interactions because I care about people.
So, while I was still trying to figure out how to capture all of that in a snappy, short, catchy phrase, my journey to better understand how I interact with the world at 35 was complete. Due to a Mr. Yumski, and a never meet in person editor I know who am I as a person and as a speaker. I may still have been staring into the invisible to find the words, but I had the core of who I was at my side, and, it is a core I can be proud of.