Not Innate, But Evolved

Not Innate But Evolved

John Paul Derryberry

I had to give a good chuckle. As a staff said, "Don't let this go to your head, but you have an innate ability to deliver good and or bad news in a way that is four things: honest, fair,  compassionate, and yet still hopeful. It makes me mad. We moved along in our meeting, but I wanted to stop and say, " I wish it were innate, but it's been a long winding road, an often frustrating exercise in skill building to land at that point where it appears to be natural.

I've said it here before, but it's worth repeating. There have been many versions of me throughout the years. Shy, not outgoing, and I hope certain people notice me. Aren't junior high years awkward? Then there was depressed, suicidal, kind of a big jerk after my dad died. Isn't grief a mind meld? Then there was the arrogant, I'm better than everyone else, really the worst me. Isn't recovery an odd place in life? And the list goes on, from brash young professional, to finally, the heart is in the right place, but the head isn't me, to screwing up as a leader my first time. Isn't thinking you have it all figured out such a blow when you learn you don't?

All these versions of me have informed the next version of me: how to be better, do better, act toward others better, and communicate better. The problem I see occurring in many folks is that when we shed our old selves, we attempt to distance ourselves from that person, to act as if that version of us never existed. But it did, and that person mattered. It's about our evolution, and a shift can occur that leads to poor results. We forget what it was like to scrape by and act like we have always been rich. Or forget how we once struggled with mental health and then dismiss people currently suffering. The worst thing in our professional world is forgetting where you started after climbing the ladder.  

All of that metamorphosis can lead us to a good place if we stay in touch with the thoughts and feelings of the past versions of ourselves. Or we can forget and reinvent our moral compass every time a new version of ourselves shows up. My father used to say no one stays the same; we are getting better or worse. The part of the lesson he left off is that we get better or worse at such a slow pace we often don't feel the shift occur. We are suddenly new people because that bank account grew, and we allow who we used to be to drop.

But we needed to be that person to grow into who we are. They mattered, and they still exist. And they should inform the new version of themselves about how to interact. That's the whole point of evolution. That's how my communication skills are innate because I'm trying very hard to communicate with all my past versions. They needed to hear honesty, fairness, compassion, and hope things would improve. All people need that. What did your best or worst version need, and who is currently in your life who requires that that version of you needed? And are you prepared to communicate in a way that provides hope.