Now What?

Now What?

John Paul Derryberry

Now what? Isn't that always the existential question we grapple with more than we are willing to admit out loud? An event occurs which shatters our lives. It could have been the death of a loved one. Or, perhaps a culminating event happens, such as an exchange of wedding vows between lovers. When the dust settles, there is always this whisper in the back of our minds, "now what?". Some of us may wonder why that question is there, but not me. For me, it's a simple answer: the march of time will never allow any singular event to satisfy our thirst for the next thing. Healthy people learn how to manage that question of "now what?". They understand that no particular event can be all satisfying. Numerous occasions force us to grow into a new person multiple times in our lives.  

Collectively, we find ourselves managing a moment where we are all asking; " now what?". Either you took the vaccine and are moving towards feeling safer and being to interact with the world. Or, you decided against the vaccine for whatever reason and are trying to figure out how to interact with the world. Life didn't stop just because we momentarily did. Throughout the pandemic, people have still struggled with mental and emotional health; relationships have fallen apart, grown, started or ended. Dream jobs have started, the unemployment line has begun, or you're somewhere in between. It leaves us wondering how to proceed, and that is never a fun place to be.

It's not new, even though we will act like it is. Can I go to that restaurant? Is it safe to gather? Can I see great-grandma? Seems like a new question because of COVID-19. Yet, we have always processed information through the lens of safety. It's not a new question. It's just a new variable within the same question. How you process the data will reveal how you feel about COVID,  how you feel about yourself, your neighbors, and complete strangers.

I went the vaccinated route. It's in my nature to talk care of others. But on a selfish note,  I thought that becoming vaccinated might mean a return to what I have missed dearly throughout this pandemic—storytelling in front of a live audience. Running the emotional gamut on stage with an audience is a top-five rush for me. It's fun, exciting, challenging, and immensely rewarding.  While I process "what now?" for my storytelling and public speaking, I find myself still saying, not yet. It doesn't feel suitable to gather, even though not gathering has really highlighted our differences.  You can count me as a person who feels informed, and joyous live crowds move the soul places it needs to go.

So after answering the question, can I start public speaking again in front of a live audience? My answer is no, not yet!  I'm left with another familiar question, "now what?". There it is again; we can't escape it, run from it, or hide from it- the question of what's next will always be there for us to answer. For me, I guess I'll wait. The stage of live storytelling is too enticing for me to give up on. It's just going to take me a while longer to spend time with my trusty old friend. But when I do, I want the environment to be safe enough that my old friend doesn't harm the people who listen to my stories. Hopefully, this choice says all the right things about me, who I am, and how I want to interact with the world. This isn't easy, but we are kidding ourselves if we thought answering "now what?" was easy before the pandemic.

Just do the best you can, and it should all work in the end! And if it does or doesn't, the familiar question of "now what?" will be there to greet you.