Rough Around the Edges

Rough Around The Edges

John Paul Derryberry

Sound Guy: All right, do you have a presentation for us to display
Me: Nope
Confused Sound Guy: No visuals
Me: Not tonight; people get enough of screen anyways
Confused Sound Guy: Oh, old school, a little rough around the edges presentation.
Me: You could say that, but I usually tell people it's a story, not a presentation.
Nodding Along Sound Guy: Ok then, let's get a mic check done then.
Me: That's all I need.

So it goes multiple times in the numerous venues I speak in. The utter confusion around doing a talk on mental/ emotional health with no data, no facts, no fancy videos, and not once uttering the phrase, next slide, please. The need to have everything polished to be accepted is an odd way to improve society's ability to grow mental and emotional health in the mainstream. At its core, mental and emotional health improvement is about understanding our thinking errors, working through imperfections, figuring out the rough part of the psyche. And knowing, despite that work, it will never be perfect.

I have constantly pleaded with staff, clients, audience members and people booking me, to embrace the mess--- the roughness of understanding shortcomings of the human experience. But, unfortunately, we all have them, and I find it challenging to engage with folks who search for polished answers. The definition of polish is to make something shiny and smooth; to seem impervious of fault. And that is no one's life, at least no one I've ever met.

The problem with all the polish we've added to everything is that it creates another barrier between those struggling and those not currently struggling. The illusion is always another level to achieve, and I'm not quite there yet. The truth is: even our polished creators are only one or two life events from potentially being back to where they started. It's just not good enough to be healthy and still rough around the edges. So we have to engage in the process of polishing the message to fit the mainstream venue. It creates a beast of always needing to improve, which is impossible and hugely depressing! Data is required. It's valuable; slideshows and videos are good, facts provide great context, but they all allow us to disconnect emotionally. That is the exact opposite of what we need in our mental and emotional health conversations.

The mic check is over, the crowd is beginning to file in, and I'm getting ready to start the little pep talk I have done since my first talk. Just be good enough to reach one person in the audience and, this isn't about you. It's about them. I have not always lived up to that mantra, and while the stories have changed, grown, evolved, they have never been polished. Always a little rough, authentic, and hopefully vulnerable. Because in all honesty, after all these years of doing this, that's where a person engages. When they see your rough edges and all, and you still dare to say you can get better too. It becomes attainable! It becomes accessible. The topic comes down from the pedestal, loses its polish, and becomes a real moment filled with genuine emotion; an instance of real connection complete with the rough edges we all have. And maybe, just maybe, those rough edges fit together better without the polish!