Small to Big

Small to Big

John Paul Derryberry

I still remember the sting of the comments. They always sit just at the back of my thought process, permanently giving off a little light, some hope, and a reminder that I can do this. It was a not-fun break-up, where mean things were uttered about my prospects of being a successful human, and my boss could tell I was off about the whole ordeal.  I was more than usual self of looking to break some rules; less than flexible on my standards; and, as my boss put it, dipping far into my arrogance instead of operating out of my confidence.

She pulled me into her office and gave me the pep talk I needed to get my stuff together, from a night of feeling so small at a failed relationship, to a day or two later feeling like I had regained my balance in life.  That's what people who care about us do. They take us from small to big or at least back to normal size. It's really what we crave from our leaders more than we realize. An acknowledgment that who we are at our worst, isn't what defines us. But how do we respond when we find ourselves allowing the less-than-stellar parts of us to come through?

They listen to us, change the direction of their choice to make the workplace healthier and more productive, and maybe show us that we can lead just as they do. They are not afraid to call us on our stuff, but also hoping we call them on theirs; because they remember that they also can go from small to big or from success to failure. So often we are faced with leaders who value invulnerability over the correct path forward. They must be right and out front at all costs to prove they are in charge. It only reveals that they, too, feel small because the need to prove you are first does the opposite. It leaves everyone feeling no one is in charge.
 
Every human has moments that take them from small to big and back again: tragedy, fragility of life, other people, circumstances outside our control. But we always remember the people who helped us at our smallest moment, reestablishing the thought process we knew everything would be okay and that we could feel significant again. Everyone deserves that feeling, that swell of emotion, that I matter in the grand scheme; that I impact the company's mission; and can do big things.  If you want to be a great leader, have more moments where people realize you think they are capable. Because so many of people they don't. Create pathways from failure to success, from small to big.  People will never forget the leader you were if you do that. That boss hasn't been my boss for over 15 years, and I will never forget that conversation in her office. I entered broken and left on the road to a better place.