Sunday Night With John: High School Acquaintance/Life Long Friend, Joe

I was a jock in high school, I had to be, sports were and still are a huge part of my family.  My big brother was an all star football player whose athletic achievements earned him respect from my mom, our school and small town.  If you have read any of my previous blogs you would know that my mom is famous for “Woo-ing” in the stands at all of our sporting events.  She still calls today to discuss the goings ones of sports in our small town. I guess in a small town, sports are a way to bring people together as a community.  An in my small town, I was a Derryberry, and part of me wanted to carry on the family tradition, and other parts of me wondered why it was such a big deal.

I have to disclose that I wasn’t your typical jock because I knew how to play the drums and was in marching band and I even dabbled in a little ballroom dancing. Yes, you read that last sentence correctly. I’m light on my feet to an extent.  My nickname wasn’t John “Twinkle Toes” Derryberry but I had moves to spare if a swing dance song came on.  

 I mean, I was a jock when it came to who I hung out with and basketball was definitely the most important thing in my life. It’s never easy to admit that you fit a stereotype but I fit it the jock stereotype pretty well.  Partner that with my attitude toward life after the death of my father, I was a living, breathing, jerk-of-a-jock. I wasn’t confident and I was arrogant in an attempt to cover-up my weak emotional state at the time. There were moments though where my better side shined through, like when I took swing-dancing classes with my mom. I really liked when my better side shine through, I just couldn’t get there enough to not be a jerk-of-a-jock 30 out of 31 days a month.

 But a classmate, Joe, he wasn’t a jock.  He was rather anti-establishment. Joe ran with the skateboarders, the group that sat in the top right corner of gym and made fun of who ever were leading the assemblies.  They always cracked jokes about pep rallies.  Joe wasn’t confident, or arrogant. He was defiant in my eyes, always attempting to prove that these stupid pep rallies didn’t matter.  I got the sense that Joe would like to throw out the so-called rules for high school, the social hierarchy, the haves and have nots that get created in a small town and start over. Joe wanted to see who really had the ability to carve out a personality not based on your last name. But Joe could be brash and abrasive in his attempts to explain these types of things.

 I don’t know how and when Joe and I first crossed paths. I wish I could because it would enhance the story of a chance meeting changing two lives. I’m guessing we crossed paths a lot with neither one of us paying attention to the other. What sparked a conversation with us eludes me to this day but I do remember every once in a while finding myself in Joe’s company and listening to one of his rants about high school life and relationships. I kept nodding in agreement with a lot of what he was saying, and then shake my head violently no when I didn’t. I didn’t say much at first, but Joe might remember it differently.  After a few more conversations and a couple of well-timed jokes I walked away thinking to myself, “I like this guy.”

 At one point I ended up at Joe’s house and a real conversation broke out about my dad dying and attempting to find meaning in all of it. It was one of those moments where my best shined through. Joe and I talked about how we judge people for the dumbest stuff but it’s really hard to break those molds. It wasn’t a ground breaking philosophical conversation but for two high school teens to move off the topic of who was the most attractive person in school, and who and who weren’t total jerks it was down right monumental. I remember opening up about my dad a little and even talking with Joe about taking ballroom dancing lessons with my mom. She always wanted to learn but she lost her dance partner. The dance lessons were one of the last good moments I had with my mom before I started to spiral out of control with grief and anger.  Joe laughed a little that I went to dance lessons with my mom but then stated, “No, that’s cool man,” his signature statement.  To hear Joe utter that phrase is the ultimate praise Joe can give a person by the way.  Joe then shared with me some of the struggles he was encountering in his life and we bonded over not the same struggles but the fact we were struggling. I left Joe’s house that night really liking that our bests had shined through to cut through all the social implications of expressing honest thoughts and emotions.

 Back in our stereotyped roles at a pep rally, I remember being featured by the marching band in a swing dance number to dance with the flag line for a school pep rally. Joe’s top right bleacher crew began to make fun of the whole thing. But, Joe stopped them and stated that it’s not easy to do and you guys complain about jocks only being about sports, well there is J.P., a jock showing you he is more than a basketball player.”  Joe and I were hanging out later that week and he retold the story to me.  All I could muster through the lump in my thought was, “Thanks man.”

 Joe and I continued to cross paths from time to time until I left for college. Our times together always led to laughter, great conversations, and moments of honesty. We lost touch for a long time, but I remembered the time I spent with Joe more fondly than most of my experience in high school. At one point I came across Joe’s Facebook page and couldn’t hit the friend request quick enough. We began to exchange the normal what have you been up to messages and it dropped back off. After some time I read on his timeline that he would be driving from Denver to Cleveland. That route is interstate 80 the whole way. I quickly messaged him that he would be driving right past me and suggested that we could meet for lunch.

 On his way through town, we end up meeting at a dive of a place called the Hill Top. We caught up and chatted about our successes and failures. We talked in depth about my public speaking and how that came about. When I got done, I got the signature,” No, that’s cool man.” Yes! I had just gotten Joe’s approval again. Then he asked for advice about his next endeavor and we parted ways, and I think finally understanding why we connected all those years ago.

 I’m still a basketball nut who can dance just enough to impress any aunt at any wedding and Joe is still anti-establishment and we respect each other’s life long journey. We both are trying our best to be good people. Joe still says things that I nod in agreement with and other times I shake my head violently no.  

You never know whom you will have a life lasting impact on you. If you would have asked me whom would I still be talking to from high school when I was 32, Joe would have been pretty far down on that list. Well at 32, I’m still chatting with Joe. When we drop the stereotypes and get to know people, we make choices on whom to hang out with and be-friend based on emotional connections, which are the strongest forms of connections we can create. I always make the statement that I’d rather spend a million moments with a few good people, not a few moments with a million people.  The friendship Joe and I have carved out is proof that a couple of great moments will always trump a lot of kind of good moments.  Joe who was teenage acquaintance became a life long friend.  It’s funny how things work out isn’t it? Next time I’m home in Ohio or he is driving across the country, I’m sure we will catch up. You just never know who will help you question certain views on life, so be open to all kinds of people. It would have been easy for me to say nope, he’s not a jock I can’t hang out with him.  Or for that matter for Joe to say he’s stupid jock, he’s not my style.

 It’s just as easy for people to say stupid republican, or hippy democrat, or uppity 1%er, or crazy homeless guy. There are so many excuses for not engaging with others. Being open to hearing other points of views from different backgrounds can lead to life altering moments. Joe and I thought we were different, but we learned we aren’t that different. We also learned we are just different from one another to better the each other lives. Search out people with differences, spend a conversation with someone you disagree with and really listen, maybe allow their points to chance your view a little. Find great people everywhere and befriend them for a conversation, a day, a month, a year, maybe forever! Trust me, there are so many great people different from you out there.  Who knows, you might end up with a life long friend who tells you, “No, that’s cool man."