Sunday Night with John: It Can Change Everything

 I still remember the room.  Everything was put in it's place and smelled of cleaning supplies. I was sitting in a pastor’s office waiting to give my pitch about why my talk would be good for his youth group and families. I originally booked my talk with a youth paster that had since left the church.  As I gave my pitch, he took notes and shook his head yes and no numerous times. He even gave me a couple moments of eye contact that conveyed he understood what my mission was. I talked to him about how too often we hide our struggles away from the ones that care about us most out of fear of disappointment, being left out, and/or not wanting to admit how lonely we are out loud. When I finished my pitch, I asked the pastor if he had any questions.

He glanced at his notes, glanced at me, and then back at his notes.  He then sat back in his chair and asked, "do you really think anyone can be affected by just one talk?"  I have been asked this before and smiled at the thought of answering this question again. I responded that the only thing I can do is plant to seed that life can be different. We all have struggled with something that makes us feel stupid, lonely, left out, or odd. I stated that my talk is designed to get people questioning that notion and motivate them to move toward a different answer.

He laughed and said, "so, your saying you only can accomplish getting them to think?"  I replied that is the most powerful thing that can be done, to get someone to question their thinking.  At this moment, I felt like the pastor had made up his mind and my talk walked out the door the same day the youth pastor did. The pastor glanced down at this notes again and looked at me and said, "well we don’t have anything else planned for that night and it’s too late in the ball game to change it now so we will keep you on the calendar." I said thank you for the opportunity and was moving quickly out of the office. He stopped me when I reached the door, and said, “John, I appreciate what you are doing, but I know this church and these people, we don’t have people who struggle with what you are talking about.” I replied, “I hope so but I haven’t talked at a place yet where I haven’t found one person struggling with life.”  He said, “We have our struggles but no one here will want to kill themselves, hurt others, and go against their beliefs.” I just nodded and stated, I would see him, his youth, and their parents in two weeks.

As the talked approached, I thought about what he had said and thought maybe I was just doing a public service type of talk, like, don’t be an idiot like I was. Maybe the harsher side of life wouldn’t have touched the youth in this church yet and I can provide them with a pathway to handle life’s tougher moments. The day came for the talk and I wasn’t nervous as I thought I would be. I found my pace early in the day, going over my notes and reflecting on what my goal of every talk is: connect with the one person who really needs to hear what I have to say today.

As I performed my talk, the families and youth mirrored me. If I was loud and boisterous, they would laugh and sway in their chairs with me. In the more serious moments, when I was delivering them my 15-16 year old emotions, you could hear a pin drop. At the end, they asked the usual questions and a couple of people waited around to chat with me in person. The thanked me, and stated they really enjoyed my talk. The pastor thanked me and said he was glad that he stuck with me. I asked him if he had changed his mind on thinking his youth and families didn’t need something like this. He said that he knows his people aren’t struggling with anything as serious as depression and suicide. He stated they have the church and their faith. I again thanked him for the opportunity and went home.

My phone dinged around 7:45pm, about an hour and a half after my talk ended. It was an incoming email with the subject line: Thank you for tonight. I opened the email and it read.

Dear John,

 I finally found the courage tonight to admit to my parents that I’m a cutter and that I have been doing it for two years. My Dad who normally doesn’t listen to me talk about how I feel bad all the time sat with me and heard everything. My mom stated she would stick this out with me and as a family we would find an answer. Thank you John for talking tonight. You find courage to talk in front of a lot of people, and I found the courage to talk in front of two very important people. You have changed my life for the better.

I was blown away by this email, and sent an email back saying I was grateful to be apart of step one to the road to a better life and wished her luck on her path to recovery. It couldn’t have been easy for her to say emotional words to her family and finally have the truth out on the table.

I emailed the pastor letting him know that a member of his youth group contacted me and that they were struggling with some issues. I stated that I would not be around for his/her recovery process and felt he should know since they may seek him out for advice. The email I got back was           

“John I’m sure if the issue was big enough the family would have gotten me in loop a long time ago, and I know all my youth know to treat themselves with respect and not go down those roads.”

I never sent an email back to the pastor, as I knew it would fall on deaf ears. As I prepare for my talks this month, I keep reminding myself that I’m talking to that one person who needs to hear what I have to say to get them to think about how they are living/thinking/breathing their life. As we move through our social groups, whether they are our family, friends, co-workers or students, we must remain open to moments with them that can alter their life greatly in one direction or the other.

Often before a talk, I reflect on that email. It allows me to never enter any talk with preconceived notions of who, what, or how many people are struggling. It forces me to never guess what people are struggling with, or think that I completely know what they are going through.  I challenge other to take on this same thought.  Be open to what others around you are going through and constantly work toward a better understanding that through openness and sharing you can help people change by the month, day, hour, minute, and second.  It allows us to be the person who changes everything, and not the person who changes nothing.