Sunday Night With John: It's Not You, It's Me
/Dear Sweet Tooth,
We need some time apart because I just can’t resist myself whenever you are in sight. You are so tasty and I’m so weak minded sometimes. I end up shoveling four cookies into my mouth, swig a giant glass of milk and call it breakfast. I justify my relationship with you because I work out pretty constantly. I was healthy enough to finish a marathon last year, even though my consumption of sugar was at an all time high. As you know very well Sweet Tooth, I have more than one kryptonite when it comes to you - Peanut Butter Twix, Oreos, my wife’s chocolate chip cookies, strawberry milk, and well to be honest just about any sweet treat I come within smelling distance off.
It was with this knowledge and desire to get you under control that on December 28th I returned home from my Christmas break and threw out any and all the sugar in the house. I was attempting a 6 week sabbatical from you, my sweet tooth. I made it till December 31st when I was overcome with a headache that I stopped and purchased two giant Peanut Butter Twix bars and inhaled them in about four seconds. The initial rush of sugar quickly gave away to shame as I couldn’t even last three days with giving in to the urge to have candy. Sweet Tooth, you knew I wouldn’t give in that easily. I pried away from your control again and started again on January 1st after helping my wife and friends finish off the Christmas cookies on the New Year's Eve.
What I didn’t know Sweet Tooth, is how dirty you would play during our time apart. I made it through the lack of sugar headaches, a very dizzy workout on Monday morning and was riding high on making three days with no sugar. Just as I was feeling better and the carvings were starting to subside, you played your little trick, you dirty little vixen, you. I walked into a two-day training for work and there was candy all over the table and if you volunteered an answer, the trainer handed you a bag of candy to pick your reward. I just shook my head and let out a sigh. I would stare and resist candy at every urge over the next two days. I made it through Thursday well enough a big bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and taking someone’s unwanted apple helped me resist your sweet taste. Friday was rough, I only had two apples for breakfast and I was two hours from lunch when my stomach began to rumble and I lock in on a perfectly wrapped package of sweet tarts and I felt the sweet tart locked in on my soul. I was having an inner monologue battle, “One package of sweet tarts wouldn’t hurt,” vs. “Come on John you are not going to give into a tiny sweet tart. As I squirmed in my seat, begging for a break and just when I thought I would give into seductive taste, I found it in me to push the sweet treat away. I was free from you sugar and my 6 week break was in tact.
I will return to you one day Sweet Tooth, I cannot give up cheesecake forever. Plus I need to be able to put syrup on my French toast. I just need to put you in your proper place and that is the desert portion of my life. I do not need you daily, but it will be fun to get together again every once in awhile and catch up. See you soon Sweet Tooth - in about five weeks with one piece of reasonable sized piece of cheesecake.
Sincerely,
John