Sunday Night With John: Lunch with a Friend, A Muslim

This one was tough to write and it has taken a long time to craft the words correctly. After the shootings in San Bernardino and the Paris attacks I was confused about the Muslim religion. I knew it was a major religion with over 2 billion practicing and I knew it did not preach violence, but for the first time, I flinched. I know an overwhelming number of Muslims are practicing their religion in peace and condemning the violence happening in our world. I do not know enough about the religion to understand it, pass along an opinion, or condemn it much like a number of political leaders in our country attempted to do after the attacks. We have a tendency to condemn what we don’t understand, what confuses us, and what creates fears within us.

I realize waiting this long to release this blog means I may have missed the chance for increased website traffic, or a chance to have the blog make a real impact. But sometimes in life the process of putting something creative out in the world isn’t about reaching a large audience or having a big impact. It’s about understanding others better. I took my confusion and fear as a chance grow, and I hope I’m putting forth a helpful blog with the goal of starting a real conversation about the confusion and fear caused by the acts of a few for a religion so many find peace, guidance, and love in.

I did know I wasn’t going to trust the Internet to put forth trusted information. There are so many rants, raves, and dishonesty already in circulation by supposed leaders.  For this blog I attempted a lost art strategy in our world - I emailed my friend who happens to be a Muslim and asked him to go to lunch. I informed him I wanted to have a conversation about how he felt, thought, responded to these types of attacks.  I would not allow my fear and confusion to run me away from someone I grew to trust as a co-worker and a friend.  

We meet at a restaurant close to where he worked and even though we have had numerous conversations over the years, my nerves jumped to and all time high when he entered the restaurant.  My friend sat down and we avoided the reason we were there for the first ten minutes with conversation filler about what we had been up to lately.

He finally broke the ice and said, “You know I really appreciate you asking me to talk about this, and just so you know, I have the same fears about where we are headed.” I took a big breath and let out a small chuckle.  Hearing him say out loud what most of us are thinking tore the lid off the conversation. I asked him his thoughts on why this is happening. He talked about how young muslims are being manipulated by older corrupt men in the search of power and chaos. I mentioned about how the history of every major religion has examples of powerful men corrupting the message for personal gains. He nodded in agreement. He explained at great lengths the Muslim definition of self defense by asking questions about what I would do if someone was hurting my family.  I answered yes, I believe in self defense when it comes to the love of my family and friends.  He said he believes these are the verses in the Koran being corrupted by those in power seeking to distort the message of Allah and bring violence to a peaceful religion. We again turned the conversation to the times when the Christian religion has been distorted to serve the purpose of men hell bent on violence and chaos. As long as there has been a message from God, there are those who have used the message to bring about violence. It’s not a big jump for me to see how corruption can bleed its way into the Muslim world. 

My friend condemned the attacks in both California and Paris, which I knew he would because I know his character. What I found odd was that he had to at all. I think it was because he is a practicing Muslim he has to announce that he condemns horrifying attacks. I didn’t have to condemn the attacks by the white guy in South Carolina. People knew because I’m compassionate and caring that I disagreed with that type of violence. He shouldn’t have to be lumped into or declare violence is wrong just because he shares a religion with an idiot. He talked about fear he carries for his kids and wife as the world is becoming increasingly unpredictable. I nodded my head in agreement as I too worry about my wife working at a school with all the school shootings. Life carries risk, and we carry ourselves all the time forgetting the world is scary place. As we continued our conversation we kept finding common ground.  My fears of this world are very real but they aren’t of Muslims or any other person practicing a religion. They are rooted in understanding how easily some can be corrupted by greedy power seeking people.  I know the answer is more conversations, more interaction, finding answers how to nudge the world away from violence no matter the religion.

We stood up and shook hands, not as white man and black man, but as friends who are trying with our own backgrounds, religions, and beliefs to make the world a better place. If only our leaders practiced breaking bread more often. If only our communities listened to each other more instead of attempting to tell others what to believe. If only when bad things happen we attempt to understand confusion and fear by not reacting with confusion and fear, but searching for a way to unite and combat violence no matter the religion behind it.