Sunday Night With John: What's In A Name?

“Hello, my name is John Paul Derryberry,” a statement I have proclaimed so many times in my life. It makes me wonder how many times I have actually stated my name. It is the first thing we fill out on a resume, Facebook page or any kind of document and it’s how others identify us when telling stories of times gone by. Long ago, my dad told me that my name originated with my two grandpas.  My brother was named after my dad and so I wouldn’t feel left out I took on the family names of John and Paul. For laughs, I would rather the story have been told that I was named after two of the Beatles. But John and Paul are not what seem to stick with people when it comes to my name.  It’s the Derryberry that really gets them.  With a name like “John Paul Derryberry,” I can only imagine what others have thought about when I introduce myself or see my name printed on the agenda at conferences where I have been a participant.  I would imagine that they chuckle a little bit.  But I have to give the Derryberry some credit.  No one can forget it. 

Our names mean so much to us.  They are part of our identities and are something so very personal to who we are as individuals.  I have seen the death stare others give when people can’t say their name correctly and I have witnessed sarcastic eye roles when a boss screws up someone’s name for the 3rd day in a row.  And when it comes to naming children we waiver back and forth over what to name them thinking that the name will play a part in determining the course of their lives. When couples get married there is a whole discussion around what to do about names. Take the husband’s last name? Take the wife’s last name? Create a new last name? Or stay the same? My wife and I had those same discussions.  We even joked about becoming Hasenberry. How does John Paul Hasenberry sound to you? We ultimately decided to stick with our own names. We both strongly felt our names are a part of our identities.  She’s Anne Hansen and I’m John Paul Derryberry.  But, that’s not to say those who change their names when they get married are losing their identity. It’s a personal choice with numerous correct answers. Changing your name can be a loving gesture and can symbolize two lives attempting to sync as one.  I think it comes to being comfortable and feeling like your name represents who you are. It’s tough enough to carve out a personality without having a name you don’t feel fits you correctly.

I received an email this week from a past client who was writing his first college paper. I took great pride in a past client being enrolled in college. His paper was about his journey to shed his given name because he didn’t feel it fit his identity and personality. Toward the end of the paper he stated that when meeting me, I said, “I see your name here on your paper work, but what would you like to be called?” I think it is so important to make sure you are addressing an individual by their correct name.  For instance, my mother in law’s name is Cynthia and I would never be caught dead calling her Cindy.  In my past client’s paper, he wrote that it was the first time someone respected that he would like to shed his given name.  He felt like it was a part of his past and did not represent him as a person anymore. His paper continued to talk about how he felt like that moment gave him the window to turn his life around. I emailed him back letting him know that at the time I wasn’t attempting to turn his life around, I was just respecting him as a person. That’s why remembering and getting people’s name correctly demonstrates that you respect them and acknowledge their right to be the person they want to be. It’s a basic fundamental need that we all have emotionally.  It’s the right to feel like we belong and are respected. I titled this blog What’s In A Name? And to be honest, it’s a lot more that we realize.  So the next time you meet someone new or introduce yourself, say your name with pride and don’t just say “I’m not good with names,” pay attention and do your best.