Sunday Night With John: Who Is Family?

As I sat at my table for Easter Sunday dinner, a sense of family overcame me. I wasn’t sitting with my immediate family as I’m in Iowa and they are in Ohio. But, across the table was Anne, my fiancée, who cooked an incredible spread and Kyle, my good friend for the last 11 years.  I began to think about starting a family with Anne and how Kyle has become a part of my family over the years. Those decisions to allow two wonderful people to become apart of my inner circle have shaped my life.

We often forget how important our family is in shaping our lives. We tend believe that we control our own destiny. We forget that those around us matter a great deal in determining the outcome of where we end up. If Kyle had not come into my life, would I be sitting here today?  Would I have the opportunity to marry Anne who fits my definition of family in every sense of the word?  In my travels I have seen how family affects our self-confidence, how it enables us and how it helps us define who we are.

The definition of family can be so different to each of us. The issue is, we get hung up wanting certain people to show up as our family, instead of noticing the wonderful people who are already meeting our personal definition of family.  When people ask me for my definition of family I find it easy to answer. Family is whom you borrow twenty dollars from when you need it. Family is whom you spend the holidays with. Family is whom you call when you need to cry and won’t be judged. Family understands the importance of showing up. And family is who puts you in position to be successful.

Who is family? is a contemplative question for anyone to answer. Sometimes we try to fit in people who don’t meet our definition of family into our family. Sometimes we hope and pray for a person to return. Sometimes distance causes the relationship to strain. Sometimes we are burdened with family members we just can’t turn our backs to. Family is who we allow closest to us and is who we spend the most time with. People with that access to our inner most thoughts, dreams, and feelings are going to bend them one-way or the other.  If we are going to allow that type of access we better pick family who will understand the responsibility.

I have grown as a person and my ability to tackle life’s problems has increased by great measures. This has happened because of new people I consider family.  I hope that everyone will begin to look at the definition of family and allow it to grow and change to best fit their lives.  If we control our definition of family we can better control how to answer who is family?