Sunday Night With John: And That's What Its All About
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And That’s What Its All About
John Paul Derryberry
The kids enter through the door, fidgeting with their devices. The parents who stay try to nudge their kids toward putting them away. They all have been told they have to be here tonight to talk about mental and emotional health. They begin to mill about the hall they are supposed to find their seats in. There appears to be an invisible force field between the lobby and that room as they all buzz about in the hall hoping the time won't come when they are instructed to find their seats. They all have a small desire to be somewhere, anywhere else. This scene demonstrates perfectly our culture's attitude toward engaging in conversations about mental and emotional health.
I chuckle to myself, as this scene has unfolded in countless auditoriums, schools, faith communities, and conference rooms across the states. We wax poetically on social media about creating a connection, but when provided the chance at growth, we pee our pants. They slowly begin to file in, hoping to be allowed to sit on the side and in the back where they will go unnoticed, where they will receive credit for attending but have the ability to mentally check out and think about playing Fortnite when they get home. Some of them provide me with a sheepish "hi," as they attempt to figure out what it means to attend a mental health awareness night.
I give a big smile back, attempting to calm their nerves. The adults give quick lectures about behaviors because they do not want to be embarrassed in front of the speaker. Little do they know that I have no concerns about their actions. By just coming to this talk, even if reluctantly, they have displayed beautiful behaviors. They are daring to spend an evening in a real discussion about mental health. Eye contact from my audience is in short supply as I begin. Our culture doesn't talk about depression, suicide or life moments that rock us to our core, in a productive way. We want to skip the details, the tears, the laughs, and the moments that make us feel stupid for cheap, quickly passing, feel-better moments. We need depth and nuance more than ever.
I begin. They laugh, they breathe, and they relax. We travel through stories, and they search their brains for their own stories, their own struggles. They settle into the night, no longer thinking about Fortnite. They are no longer parents and teens but just people sharing an experience. I watch one girl begin to tear up as she makes eye contact with a caring adult who also has tears in her eyes. There it is a connection through both their struggles. They can see each other truthfully for the first time. We've stripped away all the labels they carry besides being human.
As the night begins to wind down, they are not a group of people, here begrudgingly, who do not make eye contact with me. As I make my points and tell my last stories, we make excellent eye contact. There is no chanting. There are no shouts for finding a better you. I do not know them well enough after an hour to tell them what's next. As those words roll off my tongue, they nod in agreement. All I say tonight is that we have engaged in a night where we have attempted to understand mental health better. We leave knowing each other better, and those two, mental, emotional health and creating connections, are related.
I tell my last story, and they jump out of their seats. They do not rush for the doors but scamper down to talk to me. A group that was so eager to not be here decided to stay longer to share their story with me. It's about creating an environment where people feel emboldened to share their story and to connect with each other. Both young and old came up and chatted, took pictures, and asked questions. We all have a story of surviving our struggles. Some of us have many. We all have big emotional moments we need to share with the world, to make this grand world feel more connected. I end my talk by chatting with a young girl about her struggles and then turning to an adult who shares about her struggles around a divorce. That's what this is all about, showing people, whether they are 13 or 48, that we all struggle, but more importantly, that we overcome when we are not afraid to share, connect and remember what life is really about -- people.