The Numbers of Our Lives
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The Numbers of Our Lives.
As I turn 40 this week, I think of some important numbers that have made up my life.
John Paul Derryberry
40, 4, 179, 679, 7, 18, 4, 100, 3, 8, 5, and 1. These are probably the most important numbers of my life. They all carry great meanings to me, and as I approach a milestone birthday, I have thought of them on each run I have taken for a couple of months. They define, yet they will change if I'm lucky enough to get 20 more years on this planet.
See, I turn 40 this Thursday, and somehow it brought the memory of my 20th into focus. Again, I drove from Orwell, Ohio, to Des Moines, Iowa, across middle America. This time I would pass through Davenport, my preferred destination. The reason was my college, located in Davenport, had closed at the end of the spring semester. I was sad it was over at MIU; that place turned my life around. I elected to stay in Iowa to finish college at Grand View College in Des Moines-- for a host of reasons, mainly though because I felt I had come to Iowa to go to school and I should finish in Iowa.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think that 20 years later, I would happily still call this state home. But several things kept adding up in the life equation we do in our heads, and the answer was to stay here. Solving for X somehow always meant investing in my life in Iowa. These numbers have forever tipped the scales to me calling Iowa home since I was 18. Will I stay here forever? Who knows, but I see no reason to change course entering the second half of life. Life is great, and the meaning behind these numbers is probably why.
4- The number of times I was on academic probation in college. Proof it's not always the people who have life figured out at 20 that reach the plateau of living the good life.
179- The talks I have given since I started storytelling and presenting on mental and emotional health. Most of them were in Iowa and kept me here. I couldn’t leave where I was building my dream of storytelling. After all those talks, I grew comfortable in my unique style of delivering presentations without visual aids, much like our ancestors did long before all this technology. If you saw talk one and then see talk 180, you'll see the improvement. It will get bigger yet, the storytelling that is. I have too many great stories to tell, and most of the stories are built around the great people of my life.
779- the number of people in my care during my career spanning 6 non-profits over 18 years. It's always about them, getting better to serve them, and trying my hardest never to lose focus on their struggle; to honor their uniqueness and view of our world. I’m a better man for these people.
7- The group I consider my closest and dearest friends. Most of them are based in Iowa. How could I leave them during our more formative years? They roughed out my imperfect edges with care, compassion, and numerous amount of jokes they made at my expense. It's that type of unconditional love that can really spur a guy to believe in himself.
18- The number of yearly treks to Eldora, Iowa, to camp and float with the group mentioned above. Nothing, I mean nothing, is like returning to the same place every year, not to see how it has changed, but how you have changed.
100- the number of miles my wife and I have completed of the Superior Hiking Trail, most of it backpacking. The escape of walking with all you need on your back came into my life at such a crucial time, not as a vacation but as a break from being bombarded by society. The trips were also a reminder about the beauty of nature and exhaustion. Yes, exhaustion has its own beauty. Finally, there was the joy of being in the middle of nowhere and an earned sunset that heals the soul.
3- Marathons completed, knowing I can dig deep and complete a monumental task. And even after 3, being hungry for doing 4, 5, 6, and so on. I can't describe the feeling of finishing long-distance events, but it does something for you.
8- The number of significant relationships that taught me how to be a better partner and man before I met my wife. Each could have their own story about my fears, insecurities, and what they taught me about all the emotions that encompass a relationship. I'm forever in their debt.
5- My beautiful, fun, loving, awesome family. I tell my wife often I did not expect to be this happy in life. I did not expect to feel this loved after all I had been through. I did not know the amount of love I could give back to others until I met my wife, two girls, and my pup. I’ll tell anyone who will listen; I married way out of my league, and my kids are already way cooler than I could ever hope to be. I often tell others to slow down. You never know how long we will have people. A lesson I know all too well. Now I remind myself of that because I don't know how long I will have the most important people that have blessed my life. I hope it's a long time, but I don’t act like it. That little nugget might be the key to a great life. Never bank on getting as much time as you think you will.
1- the one thing I have settled on during 40 years on this planet. Practice compassion-- with yourself, your loved ones, strangers, and then again with yourself. We screw up. We are not perfect. If we are lucky, we are given a chance to grow from our screw-ups. Be surrounded by people who, through compassion, allow us to stay curious about life. Because there are so many great things about what we get to do, discover, share, and create.
It's been a wild ride but worth the trip. It’s been a life filled with heartbreak, side tracks, death, near death, recovery, joy, excitement, and going to places that I never thought possible. Honestly, my life is everything life should be and more. Hopefully, I'm just getting warmed up, but if the end is around the corner, I'm good with that too. But I'll be sad about what I'm gonna miss, but many good people will carry me on with their stories about me. To be clear, I’m not planning on that happening. I’m eyeing the trek to Machu Pichhu. It’s a bucket list trip. I love life at 40; we all know numbers do not lie.