It Won't Be You Telling The Last Story About Your Life

It Won’t Be You Telling the Last Story About Your Life

John Paul Derryberry

One of my favorite moments, in the TV show "Arrested Development", was when some characters were involved in not-so-nice acts, and another character muttered the line: "I can't be a part of the story," as they ran away. That line popped in my head as I exited a meeting one day and thanked a partner for helping with a case. They replied, "You're nothing like what I've heard." I laughed: "Yeah, I don't know how to take that." They replied: "No, it's been all good, but I wasn't expecting such a soft delivery." I chuckled again and said: "Yes, I worked on softening my delivery." So the multiple-level story about who I am changed again today. And that's how it goes for all of us. Who we really are is tied to every story ever told by us or about us.

We remain tethered to what others say about us, even in the age of the cropped, filtered pictures, edit-buttons on our tweets, and endless ways to portray our stories to the world. We can't escape our biggest fear, the good stuff, the not-so-good stuff, and everything from our lives that makes us-- Us-- is controlled by the stories others tell. We still only have control over so little of our narratives. It's as if the new technology has allowed us to believe we can write the myth of who we are into existence. However, it remains as it has always been for generations, others will tell our stories. Other people will tell the last stories ever uttered about our lives. Those stories will define who we are more than the narrative we attempt to write.

I believe it's an essential part of the human experience that we are tied, not to the imperfect view we hold of ourselves, but are defined by the multi-layered landscape of how we have treated, interacted with, and conducted ourselves with others and how those people talk about us to people we know or haven't even met. So, it's easy for us to lie about who we are to the world. As a society, the problem we face is our ability to trim and clip the stuff that causes us to feel shame from our actions out of the story; to mute it, block it, dismiss it, or unfriend it and move along and act is if that part of us is not truly part of our character or narrative.

However, it very much is, whether we are the arrogant fool, believing only the greatest things about ourselves, or, whether we are the downtrodden fool thinking only the worst things about ourselves. The truth lies in the middle of the spectrum of every story told about us-- to cut that out is to deny our impact on those around us. That impact is tethered to our humanity, and to act as if others' stories about us didn't occur is to say we didn't experience life.

There is no denying the social nature in which we interact and the impact we leave on those around us. If we want to be the people we think we are, we must take those stories about us and process them, whether they are a complete fabrication with little truth or completely factual. Whether that impact was positive, negative, or nothing, isn't for us to decide. But, it is for us to process and determine how to proceed. The people we meet along the way will tell the stories. Our job is to hope we have interacted with them in a way where the stories they tell reflect who we are. We won't be around to hear the last story uttered about us; so make sure we interact with others in such a way that the last time our name is spoken, it leaves people wanting more.