The Perfect Cup
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The Perfect Cup
John Paul Derryberry
Years ago, I witnessed a co-worker run a skill-building group for about 14 teens. It was a masterstroke in revealing how quickly we can lose focus on the good aspects of life and zero in on what we don't have. All day, my co-worker set the scene about how the group would include hot chocolate. The kids buzzed all day about how they never got hot chocolate and how cool it was to get in the group. The smiles and excitement made for an easy day of behavior interventions as everyone made it to that group.
When they all circled up, my co-worker delivered as promised but with a twist. Each hot chocolate arrived in a different cup. Large cups, fancy cups, tea cups, coffee mugs with funny sayings, plain cups, character cups, and small cups. As she explained, they would draw out of a hat for the order they would select for their hot chocolate, and a hush went over the group. The excitement of getting hot chocolate was replaced by the anxiety of not getting the cup they now desperately needed to be happy. At first, it was just grumbles and mumbling. Second was groans, and a whisper of this isn't fair. Finally, as if on cue, came the loud, I knew it, you couldn't just let me enjoy hot chocolate.
My co-worker smiled, addressed the group, and explained why the different cups took over your thinking instead of the hot chocolate. All day long, you buzzed with excitement about getting hot chocolate, yet you are letting different cups stop your enjoyment. One kid stated, well, some people are going to get more. She took out two cups of the same size, poured the hot chocolate from the most significant and most miniature cups, and showed everyone that she split it evenly. A couple of mouths dropped, and one kid said, that's a dirty trick. She explained that no one asked questions about the contents or the order. She stated, I would have answered yes to switching the picking order, and allowed conversations between everyone about which cup they wanted. As a group, you decided to stop problem-solving because you thought you would miss out. She explained that this room's differing wants and needs should never stop you from enjoying parts of life. Hot chocolate out of any cup is good.
It's harder to do that now than it was years ago. Social media and the craft of making one life seem like the one we should want are all around us. We are constantly blinded by the bright lights of what could be instead of what we have or who we are. Even someone like me, who works at staying grounded in enjoying the moment, can wander into the dangerous thought process of it. I have thought that part of myself or my life would be better, if I fed into the stream of we are not good enough. Perhaps it could be better, but maybe it wouldn't. But if I'm always skipping over the good I'm experiencing, because my eyes are set on what could be, I’m going to miss out so much. A lot of what is great about me, and the other people in my life.
That's not to say we should not strive to improve, move into a new house, or find a better version of ourselves. It's the notion that, if you are not settled and accepting who you are now, when you arrive at that mythical success point where you say, "if I make it here, I will have made it;" you will get there just to look around and declare that it is not good enough. We won't think how awesome it was to achieve what we did make happen. We won't enjoy it. We will allow our hot chocolate to go cold, trying to find the best cup to drink it out of. And last time I checked, on a chilly day, hot chocolate was good from almost every cup. Remember to enjoy it. Improvement will still be there- but it won't be there unless you take a moment to realize- you deserve to bask in a moment of feeling good, loving yourself, and shaking off the notion that you need another cup.