A tough Transition

A Tough Transition

John Paul Derryberry

There is a tough place for many of us to get to. It looks scary from the outside, like a place you should avoid at all costs. It's intimidating, and many people have yet to make a successful journey. Those people actively try to talk you out of making the voyage. Yet, suppose you find yourself in the middle of it and can convince yourself to stay long enough to familiarize yourself with your new surroundings. In that case, it's not so scary and intimidating.

It's the metaphoric bridge we must cross from viewing the world from the sole view of "it's all about me" to understand it's about inclusion and as many people as we can fit into our definition of "we". It's not letting go of our goals, values, and desires to live a specific life. We are even allowed to have moments of selfishness on this side of the transition, but we understand our life should fit within the lives of others. The give and take of supporting others; sometimes reaching goals together, celebrating others' successes, or ensuring growth; happens for as many as possible when this occurs.

I get why it's scary. We might lose ourselves, while focusing on the collective we. We might disappear or get left out of the big wins. We might forget to advocate for ourselves or focus on what others have or what we don't have. We are often bombarded with others' messages that others won't care about us, life will pass us up. All of that: messaging, thinking, and feelings, is very scary.

The problem with not making the transition is it's awfully lonely on the side of the bridge where we are only concerned with ourselves. We alienate others, lose focus on the big picture, chase slights, and right perceived wrongs. We create enemies out of friends and find ourselves in the place we tried to avoid all along, being alone on an island and blaming everyone for our faults except the person we need to talk with, ourselves.

Life becomes more whole when we transition from "me" to "we" and find ourselves comfortable in that environment. We laugh more and realize all the "I can do it by myself" stuff was just fluff, stated out of fear. We connect, create memories, and are happier when others succeed; carry less jealousy with us in our day-to-day interactions. We find it easier to experience joy, chalk up missteps to being human, look to grow, and keep life in perspective. The last benefit is we will look at the transition and wonder why we ever thought it was tough to begin with because life is so much easier now!