We Is Greater Than Me
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We Is Greater Than ME
John Paul Derryberry
We are predictable creatures, aren't we? I mean humans engage in often baffling behavior that seems to be off the wall but in reality, they are predictable. And one of the things we can count on from our culture, is that something new is amazing, but slowly over time, we pick it apart. It doesn't matter if the person, the show, the music, got better or not, we eventually pick it apart. Some of this is due to the deep personal connection the individual forges with the new amazing thing. It moved them emotionally in a way they were not expecting so it takes on great significance in their lives. Someone discovers an up-and-coming band and then the band hits it big. They sold out. A TV show catches your attention but the writers take it in a different direction, then don't understand the characters and how the story should unfold. A basketball player signs with a new team- they are title chasers and don't love the game.
This interaction boils down to the idea, me is greater than we. The notion that your interaction with that band, tv show, sports star, friend, is the sole deciding factor in how something should proceed and not the collective spirit of everyone who interacts with the show, the music, the arena, and most important, the creative person who brought it to life. We think, "Damn It, I had an idea how this should evolve, and screw you for not going that route." Yet the musicians, writers, our neighbors, significant others are interacting with the world around them and finding new muses, new experiences, that influence how they proceed. Not a single person really owns the interaction we all have with each other every day. We try to use our state of fragile humanity to exert control over it, but most of it unfolds just out of reach.
This is on my mind because a show I fell in love with, "Ted Lasso," is in season three and of course, on cue, came all the negative push back from critics that the show has lost it's way and is focusing too much on side characters. Maybe they are right, but how the show has evolved is absolute perfection in this lover of the show's estimation. Has it gone the way I wanted with every twist and turn? No. Did it explore every aspect of our complex society correctly? No, but it did shed light on the idea behind this blog. As we have discovered more about the entire cast ensemble, interactions in season 1 and 2 have more depth. The main characters take back seats to side characters ever so slightly but that mimics real life. The side characters force the main characters to evolve in significant ways. Not unlike how, if we surround ourselves with people seeking out new knowledge, new experiences, greater understanding, we ourselves grow just by being around them.
It's a notion that we are not the main character in our own life sometimes. A scary thought to ponder, especially when we can so easily manipulate our brain into thinking that way with social media. We can delete the person who went to graduate school, because we never chased that dream. We can mute the person in the better relationships because we might not want to face the fact that the relationship we're in is lacking. Anyone can whittle their life down to be the only voice of reason. Yet that lonely place where the selfish "me" exists doesn't understand the vast improvements we get by leaning into the "we" of a healthy group of people who better themselves and you by evolving.
They are not always evolving the way we thought they would, and we are not dictating the ways they should evolve. We should be curious and surprised by their evolution and allow that to inform us of our next steps. The band, that goes big, adds in new complexity to their music, should inspire us to layer new complexities into our professional work. The sports star sacrificing playing time to win should inform us if it's time to let folks we supervise stretch their wings. And it goes on and on and on. If we engage with a group of people we have the chance for life to take us places we didn't know we could go. We just have to be brave enough to let the entire cast shine, allow people to grow and evolve at their own pace, and resist the urge to interact with everything through the lens of what this means for me. Well because, let me tell you, not everything is about you. In fact, most things are rarely about you. Once you come to that point, you stop trying to force your view on everyone else, and appreciate the wonder life of so many different views and how they interact to make relationships fulfilling.