Worthy Of Redemption
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Worthiness is a concept we often think about but rarely discuss. Talking about society deciding who is worthy is important because we dole out who is worthy in our world a lot of the time. Who is worthy of our attention? Who is worthy of our time, our affection, and many more aspects of life? It's an essential skill to be able to decide wisely because if we deem the wrong person worthy of our life, we get hurt or worse. There are some people who are just not worthy of us.
The larger societal picture involves deciding what groups of people are worthy of government intervention, higher protection, a pathway to equal footing. It says a ton about who you are as a person when you start clicking boxes about who deserves redemption. In my years working in the social work field, I have made small decisions about individual cases that will allow chasing redemption. As a non-profit leader, I make wider choices about which groups of people get deemed worthy of redemption. The good social-justice warriors know deciding who is worthy is an agonizing process, weighing pros and cons from numerous angles. For selfish people in the helping field, they have already decided who was worthy from their very limited view of the world. They help to feel good about themselves. Any redemption arc is a secondary function after to keep their narrow view in tact.
I rechecked my thought process this week as I watched season 6 of Queer Eye on Netflix. A group of gay men and a non binary human (If I screwed this up please let me know) help folks attempt to turn their lives around in five days. It may have recently come to light that one of the participants on the show has some racist, perhaps homophobic behaviors and has been unkind to people they deem to be different. My initial thought was, well, duh, lots of people carry those types of feelings. But some viewers pushed back about the kind of people the show decided were worthy of assistance. Not all people are worthy of redemption, but most are, and we should continue to try to change the minds of folks, who hold racist, anti-LGBTQ feelings and other hate, as much as possible.
If we are moving toward a world where we can't transform people who have those feelings, we are in an odd place of not allowing growth. I have written in this blog before of the change I have experienced from interacting with minorities from all different backgrounds, from my time with LGBTQ youth and adults. What becomes of me if they don't educate me? What if I was cast out for changing too slowly? Heck, I still need to adjust my approach in these areas, I always will. We need space for that; we need to deem more people worthy of redemption rather than the condemnation of hate. If you have read me before, you also know I don't think there is some safe space where everyone can hug it out. There are vile, hate-filled souls that we don't have room for in our culture, who are not worthy of education needed for them to find redemption. That doesn't change my concern about how quickly we are giving up on people.
Heck, I would binge the crap out of the Queer Eye guys interacting with more people with poor, uneducated views on inclusion. It's hard holding space for those types of people, to have their anger almost infect you like a disease. But, carrying that burden without responding in hate reveals the weight of the hate the person who cast it out carried. You begin to understand it comes from such a poisonous place; a place you don't want to visit out of fear of how jaded you, yourself, would become. Over my career, I have had to help people who held views I found irredeemable. Only to see them slowly change when their hate was met with compassion, education, accountability, patience, and space to think. And, yes, there were other cases I have not been so successful in assisting folks in finding a place to change their poor opinions.
Maybe this is a reality check that we risk becoming just like the hate we recoil from if we take away the ability of others to change. We must hold out hope that racists will realize they are wrong, anti-LGBTQ folks will understand love is love. We won't win everyone over, but we won't lose ourselves in the effort. We will remain worthy and bring others along for the ride. See, I'm not worthy because I concluded that my storytelling could help others. I'm worthy because I realized others' stories mixing with mine can create potential for improvement. So if anyone from Queer Eye reads this, double, triple down on confronting hate, doubt, and misperceptions the way you do. Give people a chance to change and realize they, too, belong in a place free of hate-- hate for others, and more importantly hate for themselves. Let them know they are worthy to join the ranks of people who have changed for the better. Just give my guy Bobby more screen time; he's my favorite.