Sunday Night With John: You've Got Male

It goes without saying that Harvey Weinstein is a despicable creep. A blog about white men in power abusing their power would be about the two-millionth word written about the topic this week. We still need about forty million more to be written before some men even begin to get it. Let’s be honest. White men abusing their power has been the theme of the world for the last two thousand years, give or take a century. Where my head ended up going this past week was to the peripheral people of the Weinstein situation. How many men knew and did nothing? How many men could have ended this years ago with one conversation with a journalist? How many men participated in the culture of how these actresses were treated? Quickly, this thought process caused me to consider what kind of juvenile and poor behavior I have perpetuated on the females I have interacted with over the years.  

Nothing changes until we tackle the real problem of the culture we create. And we are part of the problem until we are brave enough to look in the mirror and, not only refuse to become the next player in the next Weinstein scandal, but also actively work to craft an environment where this type of behavior is confronted and rooted out as evil. So that means I must breathe hard and admit I'm part of the problem. I must start with myself. If I sit here and say I have never made a female feel small, treated her as if only her looks mattered, or left a woman feeling manipulated, it would, at the very least, be naive, and at the worst, it would be another white man's lie about our role in this problem. Apologizing for poor behavior as a young adult where my actions may have hurt people seems small and a little mansplaining.  

Pointing out that my favorite boss was a kick-ass female named Theresa Jones, I even wrote a blog about her, http://jpderryberry.com/blog/jones. Or that, as a leader, I promoted females, again feels a lot like saying I’m not racist because I have that one black friend. I can point out that around the house my wife and I split the chores, but that is something that should just happen because I value my wife. Many men and, at one time, I did this annoying behavior as well, expect to be celebrated for helping around the house. What has occurred in our culture that a man needs a standing ovation for folding a load of laundry? I need no such applause now, but the fact that at one point I did was annoyingly small of me.

While I condemn Harvey Weinstein, and any other man, who continues to behave in such horrible ways, I cannot excuse any behaviors from my past that assisted in this ugly culture. I can promise that I will attempt to no longer be involved in those types of interactions. I can assure you that I will actively work to change this ugly culture by asking questions, never assuming, and always being aware that I have biases. I also understand, as I look in the mirror, that it’s my job to keep learning about how my bias puts women down, how my actions may move forward a horrible rape culture. And most importantly, I must continue to let strong and smart females like my wife take the lead, because the world will be in a better place when more people like her are our leaders.