SNWJ: The Beautiful Mess Series, The Escape Artist
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The Escape Artist
John Paul Derryberry
The Beautiful Mess Series: Not everyone beats cancer but we rightfully celebrate the fact that everyone fights the diagnosis. Not everyone wins their battle with mental health, but we only praise the people who overcome. This series examines why we need to change this view of mental health.
Remember we are using the pronoun “They” in these blog in an effort to shield revealing details about the people I’m writing about.
The Introduction blog http://jpderryberry.com/blog/mess
Story 1: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/themariojumper
The Escape Artist
No one would have noticed them unless they were specifically looking for that particular person. They purposefully shrunk into every inch of furniture they sat on. Their skinnier-than-a-piece-of-drywall body always seem to slip into the cracks of every wall they used to prop themselves up. It's a survival skill to go unnoticed, and they had mastered it. Anyone with their history would have wanted to go unnoticed as well. Born in another country, left in an adoption agency till after age 5, and then informed that a family in America loved them. No one ever explained to them how someone unwanted for all those years suddenly could be loved.
That didn't stop them from being a fighter. Anytime anyone noticed them and they got uneasy, they fought. They fought dirty -- biting, kicking, hitting, pulling hair, crying, fake crying, hiding, running away, and attempting to sexualize the situation. It exhausted everyone assisting them. Staff lost clothes, jewelry, chunks of skin, their will to work, and their compassion in the mere matter of three shifts. It was amazing to witness someone so hell bent on not working on their issues that they became an escape artist. Houdini had nothing on this person.
They would battle all morning to skip school because they were terrified of it. And, after the staff gave up, would have them laughing with them by 11:00 a.m. This meant they were no longer working on consequences, or being pushed to go to school. When management checked on them and asked why they weren't in school, they would smile, shrug I don't know, and point to staff. Staff would stammer on about how it took three hours to calm them down. As the conversation concluded, they snuck away to their room to prepare for another battle royale if staff pushed for them to go to school.
The beauty of our modern day Houdini was in the fight. The world was scary, people were not to be trusted, and there is no reason they should believe us. They never stopped fighting, and we all know people who do stop fighting. We know people who give up their will to live. There is such beauty in fighting, to not regulate ourselves to the will of others. It's why we pay a high price for ringside seats in Vegas. It's why the loser of a fight earns respect if they go the distance.
Ever been in a room where a person struggling with mental health stops fighting it? It's sad. It lacks a life force yet we still see breathing. The escape artist could never get things turned around in the program. They didn't quite float like a butterfly or sting like a bee but did they rumble, young man, rumble. They went the distance carrying a heavy load of emotional feces from way too many adults in their life who had promised better and didn't deliver. They fought the emotional mess; they rang the bell to start the fight every day. And that, is beautiful.