SNWJ: The Beautiful Mess Series: The Old Town Bully
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The Old Town Bully
John Paul Derryberry
The Beautiful Mess Series: Not everyone beats cancer but we rightfully celebrate the fact that everyone fights the diagnosis. Not everyone wins their battle with mental health, but we only praise the people who overcome. This series examines why we need to change this view of mental health.
Remember we are using the pronoun “They” in these blog in an effort to shield revealing details about the people I’m writing about.
The Introduction blog http://jpderryberry.com/blog/mess
Story 1: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/themariojumper
Story 2: http://jpderryberry.com/blog/the-escape-artist
The Old Town Bully
"We've got a live one," my boss said, as she sauntered into the room. We had been asked to take on a kid that every other program had turned down. A smile landed on all the staff's faces because we love a challenge. She plopped the folder down on the desk, and we read:
Doesn't listen to authority
No approach works
Gave three staff black eyes over being told no
Only lasted two months with us
Refuses school
Grandparents make every excuse for them
An angry kid with no direction and lacks a desire to find one
Just an old town bully
The list went on to detail why every social worker in this child's life had given up on them. It listed three pages of bullet points, and the accompanying narrative read like they were the main villain in a gruesome, bloody action flick. One sparse paragraph mentioned their mother's struggle with bad relationships and their father's battle with addiction.
The day arrived, and they entered our program. Nervous energy pulsed through the staff as the town bully stepped foot into the unit. They sheepishly said, hello, and asked where they could put their stuff. As our day staff walked them through our rules and their room placement, the rest of the team continued working with the group. We engaged the group in a game, and a fit of laughter broke out. The old town bully stopped, tilted their head in confusion, and asked, "Is this normal?" Our day staff answered, "Yes. We laugh here often." The old town bully shrugged and muttered, "That's interesting."
As their time in our program progressed, they never acted out, began to enjoy the fun, then joined in. With every report we filed, their workers warned that the war was coming. We just plugged ahead with social group work, therapy, and individual skill building. We all were always laughing, always pushing the bully to share why they used to act out. The bully scoffed about not needing to talk about it, because they made peace years ago with a father being a letdown and a mom they couldn't count on.
At six months, we recommended that the bully leave our program because the bully never acted out with us. The judge ordered another three months. The bully shrugged at the court and stated to the judge, three months with those people would be better than three months at home, so I accept. The bully and I sat together one night, laughing over the crisis from another peer which resulted in chocolate milk landing on my clothes. As we laughed, I asked why have you not acted out in our program?
They paused, looked at me, and stated, "You never gave me a reason to." I turned my head in befuddlement. They said, "Look, I acted out at home because my mom brings stupid men into my life and my dad can't stay clean. I acted out at school because I was treated like a loser. I came here, and you guys were nice. I don't hurt nice people. I'm not a bully, but I'm not a punching bag for adults and their bull shit." He looked down at the ground and then at me. "It's nice to know people can realize I'm not my file. I'm a human who can behave differently with a different approach." A stout answer from a misunderstood old town bully. Sometimes we are the product of how we are treated by others. They were never a bully. They just didn't want to be a pushover. Turns out that, through all their abuse, they had found and strengthened their backbone. And, it's a beautiful backbone.