Sunday Night with John: Follow the Breadcrumbs
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Follow the Breadcrumbs
John Paul Derryberry
As I strolled around the Fareway grocery store Monday night after work, I was perplexed. I had no idea where the stupid breadcrumbs were in this store. We were making chicken fingers for dinner and I had my wife send me a list of the ingredients needed for dinner. This was my attempt to be a supportive, gender-role-breaking husband. It was going up in flames as my anger inflated with every minute I could not find the stupid breadcrumbs. My wife had emailed earlier in the day stating that she had to race home, walk the dog and then go to the store. My to-do list that evening was a whole lot of nothing. I emailed back asking for the grocery list.
This new push for me to be more aware of small stressors is a direct result of the news being so darn sad and seeing just how clueless men get to be about the all the boring tasks that hold together a civilized household. Normally when I get home, I grab a book to read. I engage in this completely stress-free activity, while my wife thinks of eight things that need to be completed for our lives to maintain normalcy. The statement that the dishwasher doesn’t empty itself is so very true but I never really looked at it as my job to do. That’s the true definition of aloofness, and there are those stating these type of gender, and racial lines no longer exit. But as I type aloofness I realize that's not a strong enough word. It's actually my ignorance and I expect others to bare my ignorance. We reject this notion because we cannot see it, but it exists for others, therefore it is real.
My anger at myself was rising as each aisle where I thought the breadcrumbs would be turned out to be wrong. I thought how much of a charmed life I have lived that I have never had to concern myself with the location of breadcrumbs in a store. I’m not wired to worry or I always thought I was just wired to be aloof to small worries. I felt I worked hard to learn how to let stress to roll off my back. But it’s because I'm a male that those expectations were never put on me. If I grew up where the household chores, preparing meals, and cleaning the house was a constant task, I would notice the dirty glass now. My wife can attest I do not notice the dirty glass, or when the lawn needs to be mowed, or file away when I scheduled my next oil change.
Finally, I stumbled upon the bread crumbs next to the bread. My thoughts then quickly turned to embarrassment. How could a 35-year-old with a master's degree not think of the possibility that bread and bread crumbs might be next to each other. I walked in the door and my wife could tell I was flustered. She asked why and laughed about me wandering around Fareway. She even commented, "I bet you didn’t ask for help did you?" I replied, "No, I’m an adult. I shouldn’t have to ask where the breadcrumbs are.” She smiled as she talked about loving the walk with our dog because she'd had extra time to take him to the fields. Our dog can run off-leash there and that’s her favorite thing to watch him do. She seemed happier, lighter, and relaxed.
That’s why you chip in and help out. That’s why you chase ignorances you cannot see. And, that’s why life is about constant improvement, because the better you get, the better the lives around you get. While I resent the bread crumbs for giving me a small stressor after work, maybe my wife worried a little less and enjoyed the walk a little more. Following the trail to breadcrumbs showed me an ignorance I carry. Ignorances do exist, we all carry some, and we should be looking for them. The more we find and break them down the lighter the load for those still left doing the work. My trail of breadcrumbs lead me to realize I still have a long way to go the lessen the burdens people carry small and large.