Cold Out

Cold Out

John Paul Derryberry

I heard the whisper from the second table. A sly smile came across my face because I knew the question would come when the new employees found the courage to ask it. The newbies leaned over the table to a trusted veteran staff member, and she said, "I think so, but let's just ask him. John, are you dyslexic?" I chuckled and replied, "I think so. I was never fully diagnosed, but I would just assume I am." They responded, "Oh, good. That explains why you wrote and said a couple of things backward."

I still remember when it clicked that I might be inclined to switch words around and misremembered the order that stuff goes in. I was quoting a line from a relatively obscure but beloved movie by my group of friends.  In fact, I still know the exact line that I quoted here. It was: "I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House, and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called "improvements", right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with lattes. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple. Crow, like a rooster, maybe challenging the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was "uncouth, against God." More like bad real estate values. Stumpy had to go!"

When I finished the quote, my friends would be in stitches, and I would tell people who didn't understand that it was a line from our favorite movie, Cold Out. And I kept insisting I was saying the film's name correctly, even though my friends kept correcting me to the correct title. When it finally clicked that I had flipped the two words, everyone ensured laughter. The movie title is Out Cold. I was 21 at the time, and the realization struck me. After that moment, I would catch myself switching words and letters often. But at the speed I move through life, I usually cover up these slip-ups. I was also 21 and wrapping up college, and it hadn't stopped me from comprehending my educational journey. Still, it might explain why I could articulate verbally better than in writing.

Maybe I'm not dyslexic; I have a brain that flips things. I want to be fully transparent; I have never been tested. Perhaps that's why I find such comfort in assisting people with disabilities. I find it easy to treat everyone as a fully functional human first and view their disability way later in our interactions. I was baffled when I read the statistic that if you live long enough, you will end up with a disability, but it makes a ton of sense. Almost all of us will eventually need help navigating some functions of life. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's cold out or cold out; maybe what matters is the ability to keep moving and determine what makes you successful regardless of your ability level.

All these years later, my brain can still fully recall and give that quote with 90% accuracy. All these later, if you ask me what movie it is from, I'll say Cold Out first before correcting myself. See, the brain is funny that way; some of us can process how to make money but can't process how to treat each other better. Some of the people I work with have down to perfection how to treat others; they just are not so good at how they treat themselves. I hope folks start to see how I see it: we are all working through strengths and limitations and should do our best never to leave anyone "Out Cold."