Our Ever-Evolving Voices

Our Ever-Evolving Voices

John Paul Derryberry

At 22, I stood in a room at the Humphrey Center on Grand View College's campus in Des Moines, Iowa. A semester of working on outlining, writing down every word of my speech about my battle with depression and suicidal thinking, and then doing my best to memorize the talk. The room was filled with professors, friends, and people I didn't know. I readied myself to introduce my voice into the world of emotional and mental health to 30 to 35 people. Standing behind the podium, I could not get my right leg to stop shaking.

For the next 60 minutes, I muscled through my story, never once inching out from behind the podium, and never once did my leg stop shaking. When I finished, I was exhausted but somehow energized. I found something that felt right for me, but I had work to do to find my voice because I could not get over the leg shaking. And doesn't everyone have to find their voice at some point? Whether we are talking in front of large crowds or just announcing a life-changing moment to our closest loved ones. At some point, we have to use our voice, whatever that may be.

If you have attended any of my talks, you know I no longer stand behind the podium. You know I barely stop moving. You would know I was too serious if you witnessed the first handful of talks. I kept searching for this line that I carried in my personal and professional discussions: serious enough to get the point across but goofy enough to communicate that we all take life too seriously. I am not only talking about my view of life at 14, but also breaking away from that knowledge base. I wanted to include the knowledge I got from wonderful people I met along my journey. People I connected with that I would have never imagined I would have something in common with.

At some point, I realized that my voice, my stories, and my presentations would be forever evolving. New experiences and people revealed a better understanding of thought patterns, emotional reactions, and human connection. It was a good thing to grow, to move away from a thought and an unhealthy thought process, to break away from maybe what I learned as a young kid or a young man. I think there is great fear in our culture about this now. That somehow getting epiphany should be rejected because it disagrees with our surroundings and our current knowledge base.

It's on my mind this Sunday because Tuesday is voting day. It is one of the most important uses of our voice, regardless of whether I agree with how you cast it or not. And I wonder how many of us have not evolved our views with new information. How many have disregarded something that struck a chord with us because we do not want to express our authentic voice over the fear of the reaction from the folks around us? We lose a piece of ourselves when we do not use our authentic voice and miss a bunch about life if we fail to allow our voice to evolve. Never growing or changing how we use it is not a sign of someone not rooted in experiencing the full extent that the human experience offers. We should evolve; when we do, we should be able to sign a better tune. Or, in my case, I could get that leg to stop shaking by realizing I was born to move and talk simultaneously.