Deserving

They walked through the new building and saw what was built for them, and a couple of them cried. A couple of them asked when they were being discharged because they knew, without a doubt, that we would not let them move in. Finally, when we moved in, several of them commented that they didn’t think they deserved to live in such a nice place. And I have always found that notion to be a constant theme among the people I interact with. They no longer feel they deserve the care they are receiving, the help that is being offered, or the space where they get the help is too nice for them. All of it surely should be offered to someone else.

While I understand that deserving is a concept we must debate and make choices about when it comes to who we spend our time with, how we spend our finances, and other matters in life. That’s a separate topic about resource allocation and what our culture values. I, for the life of me, can not fathom a culture that decides people should go hungry, yet here we are. This is more about how often our culture discourages people from believing they deserve decency, care, and compassion.  As if a bunch of series of random occurrences built momentum into a large lack of confidence, or one horrible event erased all the good a person has experienced in life, and they decided the only thing they deserve is the worst in life.

I also understand that through hard work, luck, and connections, a person may end up with a more deserving life. This is not an argument that everyone is deserving of the same. In fact, life would be boring if we all had the same. It’s a thought process around how some of us feel the need to make feel less than, unworthy, or undeserving. It’s such an odd thing we do to each other. There are numerous successful paths and situations that can lead to a wonderful life. To interact with others in a way that makes them feel inferior and undeserving has always been an unusual phenomenon.  Yet it’s a big piece of my work to convince people they deserve again.

I enjoy the process of showing my folks they deserve to be liked, deserve a chance at a better life, an opportunity to reconnect, or just a place to rest after a long, trauma-filled journey. It’s not always the easiest task, or the most enjoyable one, to complete, as people who feel they don't deserve better have a way of constantly trying to prove they are not deserving. The self-fulfilling prophecy they allow to play out a lot of time out of self-preservation. As if they become deserving of a good life, again, the fear of ruining it all over gives them great pause. Life has beaten them up so much that it’s easier to be undeserving than to try. I just can’t imagine feeling that unworthy.

Last week, I spent a lot of time doing what I love to do: telling people over and over again that they deserve a better place to call home temporarily.  Not out of some grand plan, or guided by unworldly faith or drive. It’s something that has evolved into my life mission over the years, having been around people who had their community tell them they were not deserving. Yet as I got to know them, they made my life better, added depth, perspective, laughter, context, and a joy I would have never known without them. And for that, they deserve my best, as well as the best of many others.