Fine, I Won't Do It Myself

Fine, I Won’t Do It Myself

John Derryberry

I rounded the bend in the road, and my direction changed from North to West. The sky on a late-fall day, with temperatures nearly 70 degrees in North Central Iowa, was the perfect blend of pink and blue. It’s Friday afternoon, and I’m continuing to test how well my foot has healed after an incident with glass a month ago. The foot is pain-free, allowing my mind to indulge in its favorite activity during these runs: wandering where the thoughts take me. For some reason, the scene from the Marvel Universe where Thanos, the main villain, grabs the infinity gauntlet and utters ominously the words, “Fine, I’ll do it myself,” entered into my thought process.

Yes, I understand I’m a comic book dork, unashamed about that fact by the way, and I also know that it was not a random thought. After all, I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how many of us tend to lean toward the spectrum of 'I have to do it all myself.' Leaving so little room for others that we can be dismissive of them. Heck, there was a time I was just like that, thinking I had to tackle life all on my own. I believe that the notion 'I’ll do it myself' leads to a line of thinking where we overlook the thoughts and feelings of many other people, and perhaps even disregard them.

The 'I do it myself' mantra is something I have actively worked to move away from. Even in my worst moments, I knew connection to others was important, but I didn’t have the skill set to navigate emotionally and mentally. Understanding that I can’t do it all myself is an acknowledgment that I need others. Reaching out to others is a step into the world of vulnerability, and being vulnerable is a rather scary place to be. I see it in my professional world all the time, and I also see it in my personal life. The inability to experience joy, love, and genuine connection lies on the other side of selfishness, but we often fail to cross over to the other side.

We throw around excuses, ignore the needs of others, or throw down more gauntlets that others must commit to show it’s safe to cross the bridge and be open, flexible, and maybe change our own ways. To engage in the beautiful life of connection, we must understand that we can’t do it ourselves. We must make room for others to be correct about how life should unfold, and possibly understand that a blend of your way and another way might be the best way forward. Boundaries and saying no are essential and always exist in life, but we must find more ways to say, “fine, I won’t do it by myself, and create connection, hope, and joy in life through being vulnerable with the right people.