Sunday Night With John: Don't You Put That On Me

I remember all too well my relapse in my emotional health half way through college. I felt the grip of anger working it’s way through my system after three years of hard work surrounding myself with a good support system and honest friends, I had rebuilt my relationships with my family, and I had apologized for my missteps.  But most importantly, I worked hard to understand my anger around my father’s and Eric’s death.

But what I hadn’t done was work on how I expressed my anger. I did my best to avoid situations that would trigger my anger because I was scared to dip my toe into that pool again. I couldn’t avoid those situations forever and when I stumbled into anger it didn't go well. At times I was still a potential time bomb waiting to go off. I was home visiting with my family in Ohio when I couldn't avoid it any longer and my anger bomb went off. I screamed and yelled at my family like I was a hurt 15-year old kid again. I blamed them for everything. It was their fault I was angry. It was their fault I still wasn’t happy, and they needed to change to make my life better.

After the dust settled in the house my brother took me outside for a little chat. He began to talk about how it’s not everyone’s job to keep me happy, it’s not our job to keep you from getting angry, and it’s not our job to make your life better. We are your family and we will help you with all those things, but you know what dad would say, “You are responsible for your own emotions.” I remember my brother saying, “John this is about you and the quicker you get there the better your life will get.” He was right, it was wrong for me to put my emotions on others. 

It is true that we affect each other emotionally and that we need to communicate our emotions to each other to foster healthy relationships. But we need to do it in a way where others can listen and respond and not blame and judge. When we put on emotions on others in an unhealthy way, they tend to put their emotions back on us and the cycle continues. When we put others in charge of our emotional health or when we realize that we have carried someone else emotionally for too long, it can put a strain on the relationship. I have been searching for years for a way to explain this in a short way for everyone to understand.  But then the movie Talladega Nights gave us this little gem. 

Thank you Will Ferrell, and Michael Clark Duncan for coming up with a line that perfectly sums up what we need to say to others when they try to dump on us emotionally. Comedy certainly provides a window into the truth of life. We all have been yelled at, had anger taken out on us, or have been the one doing the yelling and taking our anger out on others. We now have a funny scene that should remind us that we shouldn’t put our emotional baggage on others. And more importantly, we have a movie line to quote when someone uses us as an emotional toilet.

“Don’t you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby”