Imperfectly Imperfect

Imperfectly Imperfect

John Paul Derryberry

I often find myself standing in rooms, talking with a group of people about how to better help others. I say I find myself in these places like I stumble in and just start telling stories. That is not the case. I search them out; it's a passion of mine to educate folks on mental and emotional health and the behaviors and relationship quirks that accompany them. It's an odd world to be in, mainly because it is fascinating how people behave and how often we try to project the image of perfection into the world. My work is surrounded by messy imperfections, and I find much comfort in that world. I guess there is something about a mess, that reveals the true nature of humanity and what it means to be alive. And, that centers me.

The age-old concept is that we must project that we have the perfect friends and family, or even that we have the ideal way to vent or communicate our struggles to the world. We have so many avenues to project perfection to others, that we forget that we often connect over the messy parts of life. We find common ground, not in our perfections but in our imperfections, binding us to another person. Losing a job, discussing the wayward ways of our youth, dating the wrong person, and making the wrong choice brings out tears, laughter, and head nods of "I've been there." This creates a bond between people who found the courage to lead, not with perfection, but with imperfection.

Yet, we often look to people we see as perfect and attempt to obtain their life; airbrushing away their imperfections so we do not see them, and projecting them upon ourselves. We follow their steps (and as long-time readers know, I hate any method for a better life that comes with steps). If only I was like them, life would be perfect. It's a tale as old as humanity has huddled together in caves. Even though we all know no one is perfect, we assign perfection, to other people or ourselves, in an unhealthy way. Being honest about our imperfections, is a standard one can live up to, without a lot of lying to themselves or others.

In a room, early this week, I discussed behavioral change and my agency's mission work. I leaned the opposite way, openly admitting my mistakes and things I wish I could have done better and would do differently if given a do-over. I lead with imperfections, trying my best to show we can be imperfect and still be good leaders. We can make top jobs accessible and discuss that even having a big job doesn't mean we have every answer or it all figured out. It would be incredibly boring if I did, and I am not fond of boring.

So, in a world of photo filters and curated social media posts, videos, and other content, it's easy to feel like large numbers of us are living this perfect life. The truth is the ones doing the best work and living those extraordinary lives are more than likely imperfectly imperfect, but they are trying their best. And in the mess of life, I learned that the pursuit of and faking the appearance of perfection is a lost cause. Yet I can report, with 100% certainty, that living authentically, with imperfections publicly known, has led to beautiful places I never thought I would end up in, and my life has never been fuller.