On Top of Ben A'an

On Top of Ben A’an

John Paul Derryberry

Something about the year coming to a close forces you to look back and decide the growth, or lack thereof, within each of us. And this year, I immediately returned to the immense peace I felt sitting on top of Ben A'an, in the Trossachs in Scotland. Not because it was some bucket list hike, but because it was, in fact, a replacement hike for a bucket list hike that got changed. Things transpired outside of our control, and for the safety of everyone for this trip, we switched destinations.

Yet, sitting on top of Ben A'an with my wife and brother, no thought of the original hike crossed my mind. The sights, sounds, journey, and most importantly, the company I was with; made this spot, this hike, one of the most peaceful times in my life. I used to be more of a fighter, because I felt I had to. Yet, as I have pushed myself to grow and interact with my audience, readers, and loved ones, I've realized I'm not at my best when I'm in the fighting part of my personality.

I'm at my best when I'm a compassionate, community builder. We all have many different sides of who we are. We often overestimate the strength of the worst parts and lessen the effectiveness of the softer sides. Something about fighting feels more alive. Yet, as I've grown, I have moved to feel more alive in the softer moments, like sitting on top of a vista, exhausted from the hike, and hanging with people I care about.

Those views are the ultimate community builder. You will only find yourself with these views if you build a community. People only take the road less traveled if they love you. You can't fight your way up these trails. You must respect the path and the journey, prepare, and learn to trust others. It's a better way of life because sometimes, you push the group, and other times, the group pulls you.

So I sat there with my brother, the non-hiker; my wife, a good hiker; and our guide, who hiked circles around us despite his age. We chatted about how we ended up in Scotland and why I wanted to walk this beautiful place. We explained it was a switch but hiking here as always been on the list. To fully answer that question on why hiking and seeking out places off the beaten path I would have to write another book. The best I can do in this space is I'm looking for the best version of myself.

But the short reason is, I have discovered I grow when I’m exhausted and have a good view. It removes my urge to fight and increases my desire to build a better community. I enjoy building community for people. I get great joy of showing people we don’t have to make it so hard. I didn't know there was a piece of me waiting to heal by going to Scotland, but that's the beauty of my life now. I’m not trying to control it, I'm not fighting for my way, but searching and building my community. I found a little of my community on top of Ben A'an. If I'm lucky, I will find myself there again someday.