Sunday Night With John: Life is A Mess, A Beautiful Mess

Life is A Mess, A Beautiful Mess

John P Derryberry

Blood, sweat and tears ran down his face. The two other people in the room, and me, were in the same shape. You could also see spit and mucus spread around the room. The young man was sitting in the corner of the room, finally calming down after his crisis. Through tears he asked, "So when will you guys file the paperwork to kick me out of the program?" I had switched jobs so I was no longer in charge of who stayed and who left but I have a strong do-not-give-up-on-people policy.  From two rooms over, my co-worker came stomping through the house, looked our new guy in the face and asked, "Who said anything about kicking you out? Point them out to me, and I will make sure they no longer work here." The young man replied, "No one said anything about kicking me out. I just figured after all this destruction that this would be it for me. Everyone always gives up on me."  My co-worker said, "You are going nowhere. We clean up, and try again."

The young man wiped away the tears and mucus from under his nose, stood up and started to put the furniture back. Part of me cringed because I wanted to scream out, wash your hands, but for the most part, I smiled. I was witness to what I think is the most beautiful moment in the human race. Most of society rarely sees this moment--  the events after the worst occurrences in our lives where there is every reason to say, screw it. I give up. Yet, we find the strength to move ahead. As hard as we try to make it clean, life is messy.

We tend to celebrate the end of journeys. We all gather to cheer for the first child of our family to graduate from college. We come together to praise the widow for finding love again. We huddle around the finish line to clap for  a friend who, after a gruesome injury, crosses the finish line. These are all great moments that should be celebrated, but they feel wiped clean of the real mess these people stumbled through to reach their achievement. The reason we celebrate these moments as beautiful is that we know the miles of crap they crawled through to get there. That is the type of mess I find so enduring, so inspiring, so sun-setting-behind-the-mountains, pinch-me beautiful. 

The endings lack the full details. Our story doesn't do justice to the young man's ability to shake off the stink that all the other social workers left on him by giving up. He had mountains of mess because so many people had kicked him out, and when he was told he wasn't going anywhere, he stood up and cleaned. Was that the last blow-up? Nope. Was that the last "we are kicking you out" speech? Nope, because shaking loose years of abandonment and abuse never happens in a hallmark TV moment. That's what makes them so beautiful.                                           

Please continue to cheer the single parent who graduates college. I'll stand and applaud the moment they signed up for classes as transcendent because it happened at 11 p.m. after they finally got their crying baby to sleep. They looked around their apartment and said, "My child deserves better than this". That moment is filled with doubt, with voices in their heads saying, "You can't do it". Yet, they hit "send" on that email anyway. 

I want you all to show up with your signs and cheer the amputee who crosses the finish line. I'll watch the YouTube clips of that person going through grueling physical therapy a thousand times, instead. At that moment, the finish line is only a dream, yet you can see it their eyes. They will stop at nothing to cross it. Teaching themselves how to move again, through pain, doubt, and taking that first step, is a way tougher challenge than the one to cross the finish line. 

Stand proudly next to your friend who found love again after a devasting heartbreak. It's an inspiring moment to see someone be in love again but for me, I'll cheer that the moment where they asked for a first date. They are guarded. The pain of heartbreak is still raw. Their life is stuck between what it was and where it's going, a messy place to be. Yet, they find the courage to ask for or accept the date. 

Life is full of mess. We love, we cry. We have highs and great disappointment.  We should embrace the chaos with open arms and recognize the beauty that surrounds our worst moments. Redemption is born of moments we hope the world never sees, but I would argue the world should see more of them.  The world can have its storybook endings, but for me, I'll always take the peak into the mess, the beautiful, perfect mess.