How Do We Navigate This

How Do We Navigate This?

John Paul Derryberry

We all might be hard-pressed to find our ability to process the recent tragedies. Let alone, the ability to grieve, cope, and move on from these events. Whether we are talking about the police violence that occurred in Memphis, the mass shootings, or if you are thinking of another tragedy not mentioned. No one could blame us for tossing up our hands and tuning out. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot right now. And if no one has confirmed it for you, it is absolutely a lot. As we bound from one senseless act of violence to another, we have to find a way to not lose hope, not give up fighting for a better day and grieve. No matter how close or far away we are from the epicenter of these acts.

I have no cute shortcuts for this process; this isn't a quickly filmed social media video offering false hope. There are, despite snake oil salesmen's best attempts, ways to shortcut the work we have in front of us as a society. I find myself drifting to thoughts I had while working on challenging cases; moments of trauma that felt insurmountable. Just one good day and then another bring hope, humor, humility, and curiosity. This curiosity might be what we lack most in our dialogue right now. So many, are so sure about the answers that we must seek out; pontificating about what we need to do instead of asking others, what do you think we should do. Everyone is so afraid of being wrong that they refuse to ask even the most straightforward questions of their own thought process. And if presented with information that should change their opinion, they change the question.

I remember when my caseload of traumatic cases started to turn around. It was when I stopped limiting the solutions to just my set of solutions. So what are their solutions, our solutions, and what are the solutions we still need to come up with together? I know there is this nagging thought at the back of our heads that whispers, you should know the answers. But in reality, should we? I had no clue how to help an abused teen until I entered that arena and asked them what would help them. The more I tried to control it, the more I lost it. Letting go in moments like these is counterintuitive, but often, it's the only way through.

And someone is saying or thinking, I can't do that right now. And that's ok if you can't. I know it's hard, but moving ourselves 1% of a definite answer can have profound changes in our relationships, thinking, and capacity for compassion. It's something we need more of right now throughout our conversations and interactions. The notion that we understand a little less, can question a little more, and provide a path forward for us and for so many others to walk. In moments like this, it's best to know we can do it all, grieve, grow, inject the world with compassion and hope, and keep ourselves in the realm of curiosity. It's a better place than being jaded, fearful, and backing away. We know the characters that thrive in those situations, and those are not people we want leading. They walk one path when we need many!