Retrospective Clarity

Retrosepective Clarity

John Paul Derryberry

There are hazy moments in life that sometimes formulate into one hardened memory. Mine is the ridicule I received from many authority figures and past relationships about not taking life more seriously during my youthful years. The repeating phase was, where will you end up if you don't start taking things seriously. This often concerned my attendance in class, grades in college, and lack of focus on activities that seemed like they needed to be more exciting and fun. I always thought in those moments about what happens to life experiences if we don't focus on the here and now. 

Now my memory is that a bunch of people gave me lectures about this line of thinking. It was probably closer to 5 or 6; funny how memories work. The fact remains that it impacted me;  I often found myself angry at the notion that  I wasn't taking life seriously enough, because, in my view of life, I was doing precisely that. Moving through life and understanding and experiencing my life stages as they occurred was more important than planning for a future I might or might not ever see. Was I too involved in the here and now? One could argue that, but was I being irresponsible? No, there is a reason to move through life as I did. More people should. The proof is where I find myself today; not pining about the days of my youth because I do not feel I wasted them by rushing through. I'm not romancing some glamorous future I may or may not get to see. I remain firmly planted in the present as I can be, just like I was all those years ago. 

But I'm not the only person who has found clarity after the fact. It's why we should look back and understand our history, culture, and choices. I also have found fault in my decisions upon looking back; This especially in my arrogance. I failed to correctly communicate why I was making choices. A fear of vulnerability and meaningful connection forced me into unacceptable behavior. Reviewing my wrongful actions also provided a level of clarity about how I needed to proceed as a person of character. I had to adjust course to become a better man with better relationships. It's scary to think how many of us are now afraid of a review of our culture, actions, and history. 

Looking back is still one of the best learning tools we have at our disposal. It is hard to learn on the fly and in the moment; when mental and emotional health are firing on all cylinders, and our efforts to be correct, to avoid embarrassment run high. All these years later, I could have explained that having close loved ones die at a young age made me realize that I have to balance working toward the future and having a good time now. But it came out as, I know better than you the shortness of life. Such arrogance and dismissiveness run amuk in our interactions nowadays.  

Suppose the retrospective examination is no longer allowed, encouraged, and fostered. In that case, we expect people to be perfect in every moment and never need space for healthy growth. We don't have that ability as humans. It takes away something profoundly human; looking back, realizing you're wrong, going to another human and apologizing. We have that ability, and it's a beautiful ability. Yet, we are growing afraid of engaging in it. It's how we connect, cultivate deeper relationships, grow, change our minds on topics, and move away from hateful language and acts. It's how we go from arrogant young punk to thoughtful, compassionate storyteller. At least, that's what I did.

While my ability to live in the moment is not something I would ever want to move off of, even if I had a time machine; I would communicate better with those who questioned my choices. Instead, I choose to do that with the people I love now because I do not want to repeat the mistakes from my past. That's what retrospective clarity does for us; it lights the present and lays down a better path forward. And, it's always nice to have clarity about which way to go.