I Neither See You or Hear You

I Neither See You Or Hear You

John Paul Derryberry

There was a time when I was a leader without a title. I was a front-line staff member who sat in meetings and observed other leaders attempting to navigate tricky professional situations. In the spirit of full transparency, I admit that I caused some of those tricky situations by pushing the boundaries of policy and procedures as far as possible. It's not easy being a leader, with or without the title. Balancing the needs of so many folks is a daunting task that can be easily screwed up with just a couple of hollow words, phrases, or actions.

That is why I cringed the past couple of weeks, when I heard a statement I have heard many times before from a leader; a statement that only sounds nice to the ears of the speaker and sounds hurtful and ugly to the listener's ears. This leader uttered this, appearing to be a connective statement. Still, it's always a dismissive statement to a couple of different groups of people. They said, "I see you, and I hear you," in an attempt to convey compassion and communicate a "we are in this to get together" sentiment.

However, communication is challenging; body language, tone, word choice, and, more importantly, authenticity matter greatly. I see and hear you always communicate that, as a leader; you have done the bare minimum to connect. Unless you are blind or deaf- seeing people, hearing them just occurs between people. You see and listen to strangers all the time, but you are not connected with them or willing to actually understand their point of view. It is a statement the speaker hopes lowers the animosity in the environment without having to engage in the type of conversation that changes minds and produces collaborative solutions. Every time I have heard, I see you, and I hear you, I know none of that is occurring. I know, I'm about to be disappointed by a leader not living up to the moniker of their leadership title.

I get the appeal of a leader uttering this phrase; it sounds so lovely off the lips. It has the appeal of having the whiff of: I'm on your side, and it is somewhat factual. The leader does see you, and they do hear you. But, and it's a Grand Canyon size but, not once in my career have I seen a leader actually examine what they see with an open mind or being curious by asking questions; so instead of hearing, they can begin to understand the real issues at stake. No human on this planet does not practice selective hearing. Curiosity is real active listening, asking questions and, more importantly, asking the questions we do not want answers to. 

Uttering the words, I see you and hear you, when communicating with your people; you are doing neither.  It's a culture killer, a dismissive statement with no action. And that's the exact opposite of what people want from their leaders. We don't want to just be seen and heard; we want to make our mark, we want to help, we want input, we want to grow and be understood and be a part of the process. More importantly, we want more than just stumbling into your line of sight and your background noise. The phrase itself is neither good nor bad; it's rather bland. The problem with the statement is that the actions come from leaders who dare to utter it; we all know nothing else will happen.